YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi, I'm Michael D. You may remember me from such things as episode 114. I intended to introduce myself on the forum as soon as it aired. However, beyond a reply or two on the topic of 114 I've been completely absent. The two months since my ep dropped have been eventful and overwhelming. I've had some health issues including a serious case of food poisoning. I've also had to devote a lot of energy to my family of origin. Despite clear directions to the contrary, my birth mother continues to try to contact me. (I wish there was a way to block messages at the SMTP and MMS servers so I wouldn't even know she tried.) Recently my cousin, one of the two members of my family of origin with whom I am still close, visited. I didn't realize how much emotion I had invested in the visit until a small hiccup sent me spiraling. And work has been, well, hard work to keep my head above water, both organizationally and emotionally. I wish I had more to show for the last two months to explain why I haven't posted but I don't.

Recording with Paul was transformative for me, definitely one of the highlights of my life. I still see my therapist weekly, and quite frankly worry how I would cope without my therapist. I have never been much of a group person. I am a highly-sensitive introvert, but I think my PTSD plays a large part in that, too. Hypervigilance and lack of trust can make each person seem like a threat vector to me. Lots of threat vectors at once multiply on each other and drain me quite quickly. But the experience of sharing my story, with Paul in person and with the rest of you across the innertubes, was profoundly moving for me. I volunteered for the podcast in large part out of a desire to help others through sharing my story. Because of that even I've been contemplating joining a support group.

If anyone has any questions about the episode or anything else, I'll try my best to answer them. (sits down)

Hello Michael D.! Thanks for being so open in the podcast and on the forum!

Hope you feel better from spell of food poisoning, and keep working to set up healthy boundaries and taking a chance on reaching out and opening up!

Michael D.,

Welcome back to the Podcasts/Forum. I re-listened to episode 114. What you sister and mother suffer from (aside from maybe having been molested themselves) is called learned helplessness.

So now your nieces are adults I take it? But as you said, mentally maybe not so in some ways? I hope they get the help they need to so they can live peaceful productive lives. I hope the "shithead" violators get caught.

It's great to see you back here.

Peace,
InMyMind

In a general sense I can see how a person, even those in my family of origin, could deserve sympathy for their own trauma, even if it led to them inflicting trauma on others. But in specific my experience with them was too horrific for me to be the one feeling sympathy for them.

My nieces are attending college and the reports I get say they are doing well in their studies. But it's only a superficial report so I don't know how they're really doing.

I can't entertain any expectations about the perpetrators being punished. Otherwise my hopes will be dashed when it doesn't happen. Based on the people with whom I've talked who have experience in these cases, the chance for intervention and/or conviction is pretty low unless the victims come forward and press the issue. So far I am the only one in the family willing to even admit to the abuse let alone stand up to it. It's heart-breaking when I think about it, but there's the very real likelihood that the perpetrators will contain to abuse for decades to come until death claims them.

Michael,

I'm sure you've pondered this, but I just would like to know what you think would happen if you made the perpetrators well aware that you know what has happened, and that many others in the family know it too, but only they are less willing to come forward and confront it like you? Those jerks need to be put on notice. They need to know other's are watching their moves, and will not tolerate coercion, retribution, or manipulation. It's the best you can hope for at this time. "At least" maybe the idiots would have to go somewhere outside of your family to find new victims, and maybe they will get caught when they have to do that?

Your story makes me angry that such people can get away with this. There has to be something you can do.

You are a good man.

They certainly know that I know at least some of what's happened. When I brought it up I was told that I "don't know what you would expose". I'm sure, after the local authorities contacted them to investigate the abuse, that they are aware that I'm willing to speak up. The bar for the authorities to intervene is pretty high and as long as none of the victims come forward it will prevent any further action. Sadly, I doubt that any of the predators restricted themselves to blood relations. It infuriates me that there appears to be no consequence for their actions. My therapist assures me that there are. But, not being a religious person, it sure appears that they're getting away with it.

And thanks.