Hi, I'm Kasey
Posted: August 26th, 2013, 11:53 am
Hi all,
I haven't even taken the time to browse through the forum properly yet, but I figured I'd write an intro about myself while I'm here, anyway. Some stuffs about me - I was blessed with a genetic predisposition for depression, and depression onset happened for me around the age of 10, as far as I can reckon. My adolescence was awful, and I made one suicide attempt at 16, after which I started to com to an understanding that the way I was feeling was so far from being a true or objective perspective on the world, or even on what I was capable of feeling, that I started being able to work through and cope with my depression. I went on medication (Celexa) for my senior year in high school, and hated it - it numbed my out completely and made me more suicidal than my depression had, in this really awful and lethargic "Why even bother continue living?" kind of a way. I weaned myself off the meds shortly before graduation, and haven't taken any since, and have slowly but surely developed coping mechanisms to where I think it's actually fair to say I don't need them.
Other things: I spent about three years in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship in my late teens/early twenties. Coming to terms with that abuse also made it apparent to me that my father tends to be emotionally abusive in the same ways my partner was (though my mother always received the brunt of his abuse, and my upbringing was pretty stable and safe until I was in my teens, and old enough to talk back.) My father suffers from depression, and as it went undiagnosed and untreated until well into his 40s, his struggles to get it under control have been far more difficult than mine, since his unhealthy and abusive habits are far more ingrained than mine ever had a chance to get. I try to be understanding of his issues, but he is not always a safe person for me to be around.
Now, I am 27, and married to a truly wonderful person - I am happy. I'm working my master's degree in library and information science (so I can be a librarian). My last depressive episode was quite a while ago, really. My only uncontrolled anxieties are around dating - I should probably mention here that I my partner and I are polyamorous, except that in my case it's only theoretical, since I haven't done much in the way of acting on it. I struggle with trusting myself to judge whether other people are safe for me to get intimate and sexual with, because of how badly I was treated by my abuser, and every time I get close with someone new, I just find myself hit with a wall of anxiety that makes me want to hide under my bed and cry. Which seems unhealthy, and often winds up with me treating my dating partners unfairly, and giving wildly inconsistent signals. But I'm not really sure how to work on these issues at this point, since I'm only just beginning to come to an understanding of them.
Oh yeah, and I'm also genderqueer. I don't identify as male or female, and my preferred pronouns are they/them/their.
Nice to meet you all!
I haven't even taken the time to browse through the forum properly yet, but I figured I'd write an intro about myself while I'm here, anyway. Some stuffs about me - I was blessed with a genetic predisposition for depression, and depression onset happened for me around the age of 10, as far as I can reckon. My adolescence was awful, and I made one suicide attempt at 16, after which I started to com to an understanding that the way I was feeling was so far from being a true or objective perspective on the world, or even on what I was capable of feeling, that I started being able to work through and cope with my depression. I went on medication (Celexa) for my senior year in high school, and hated it - it numbed my out completely and made me more suicidal than my depression had, in this really awful and lethargic "Why even bother continue living?" kind of a way. I weaned myself off the meds shortly before graduation, and haven't taken any since, and have slowly but surely developed coping mechanisms to where I think it's actually fair to say I don't need them.
Other things: I spent about three years in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship in my late teens/early twenties. Coming to terms with that abuse also made it apparent to me that my father tends to be emotionally abusive in the same ways my partner was (though my mother always received the brunt of his abuse, and my upbringing was pretty stable and safe until I was in my teens, and old enough to talk back.) My father suffers from depression, and as it went undiagnosed and untreated until well into his 40s, his struggles to get it under control have been far more difficult than mine, since his unhealthy and abusive habits are far more ingrained than mine ever had a chance to get. I try to be understanding of his issues, but he is not always a safe person for me to be around.
Now, I am 27, and married to a truly wonderful person - I am happy. I'm working my master's degree in library and information science (so I can be a librarian). My last depressive episode was quite a while ago, really. My only uncontrolled anxieties are around dating - I should probably mention here that I my partner and I are polyamorous, except that in my case it's only theoretical, since I haven't done much in the way of acting on it. I struggle with trusting myself to judge whether other people are safe for me to get intimate and sexual with, because of how badly I was treated by my abuser, and every time I get close with someone new, I just find myself hit with a wall of anxiety that makes me want to hide under my bed and cry. Which seems unhealthy, and often winds up with me treating my dating partners unfairly, and giving wildly inconsistent signals. But I'm not really sure how to work on these issues at this point, since I'm only just beginning to come to an understanding of them.
Oh yeah, and I'm also genderqueer. I don't identify as male or female, and my preferred pronouns are they/them/their.
Nice to meet you all!