YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

20 year old guy from Texas. Been dealing with anxiety for most of my life and depression, on and off, for the past 6 or 7 years. Also ADHD. Temporarily out of school trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. Recently recovered from a year long depressive episode following a long, bitter and difficult falling out with a close friend. Mostly over that now. Things are alright now, but I'm still prone to panic attacks and shorter periods of depression. Also trying to figure out how to meet people and engage socially on my own, without having to rely on a friend to introduce me to someone. Hoping that things continue to get better. Found this podcast a few months ago and finally decided to check out the forums. I enjoy writing, filmmaking and cooking. Hope to make a career out of one of those.

I'm in my thirties and suffer from much of the same. I think that we are groomed to think that we have to make a career out of the things we love but sometimes, when we try to make a career out of the things we love, we end up hating them at times. Sometimes its just enough to have a job..a means to an end and a way to pay the bills.A strong work ethic and a socially responsible sense of community. I work a factory job. It's monotonous and repetitive, but honestly I spend most of my time listening to audiobooks, music and podcasts. My interactions with others are sincere and fascinating honestly. I work my 40 hours and collect my check and pay my bills. Its my free time that I spend doing the things I love..I'm not required to make a living off those things so I don't feel like a failure if those things don't bring in the cash and I don't consider myself a failure when it comes to the things I love. When it comes to relationships with others, I look people in the eyes and ask them questions. Our society is so internet-oriented and it seems that no one interacts with one another on a personal level anymore. There is a lot of power in simply asking someone "how was your day?" or "where are you from?" or "what are your hobbies?" .. Most people in this world have something they can teach you, and as a writer, I have found that it makes great material for storytelling. Who knows? in ten years of simply working at a job, you may find yourself with some very good material to write a novel or screenplay.

We are so hard on ourselves.. we expect so much that we forget to live in the moment and appreciate the simple things. You're young and still getting to know yourself. Don't beat yourself up for not finding your "calling" just yet. I think we all have many callings.. take them all for a test drive and see what grabs you by the balls and says "this is it!"..

Just remember that the way people react or interact with you is more a reflection of themselves than it is on you. The only thing you can do is be kind and generous and loving and the people deserving of your friendship and love will come to you. The rest are just not ready yet. and that's okay too.

big hugs

I was in a similar place to where you are when I was of typical college age. Trying to do something you love isn't all its cracked up to be all the time. I tried to do that for the past couple years and failed spectacularly, and now I can't even do them in my off time I am set back so far. So there is danger in making the things you are passionate about your vocation. Learn a versatile skill in an area you don't hate. I am back in land surveying, which I don't hate, sometimes I kind of like. But it is certainly not what I would consider a calling, so check on the second half of my advice. BUT, it is not that versatile. I was able to score a job with a utility using some of my skills in a cubicle, but then I realized that the main part of land surveying I liked was being outside. So for a while I hated my job by day, and feverishly spent my off hours with my family and doing things I love. But, I made the leap to doing things I loved all the time, it imploded and now I am out of town surveying with no time for family or passions. Having now regressed many years professionally, I am struggling mightily to avoid regressing many years philosophically/psychiatrically. If you can make it doing something you love great, but do yourself a favor, don't tie your self worth to it. I would say treat it like a lottery ticket. Feel free to buy a ticket and dream, but don't quit your day job until you are REALLY sure you have won.