Hello
Posted: December 20th, 2013, 8:46 pm
Hi i recently discovered this podcast and really enjoy it. It reminds me of my time i spent seeing a therapist. Anyways about me... I am a 29 year old guy who struggles with anxiety and depression. I often think in black and white. I have a problem one day and the next i think i don't. I have a lot of anxiety while talking to people and feel uncomfortable being myself. I have a hard time getting my emotional needs met. The anxiety causes me to avoid social situations and my social life starves which makes me depressed. These issues have been present most of my life as far back as i can remember. I live in a college town and my friends keep moving away. This year 5 close friends of mine have left town. I don't seem to be making new friends. About 5 years ago i saw a clinical psychologist about my anxiety and i tried welbutrin zoloft and celexa. In my opinion the Rx's didn't do much to help with my anxiety or depression. I currently don't use any drugs. I do drink a few beers a few nights a week. Maybe once a month a binge drink usually with friends. This feels almost therapeutic. Probably because i feel socially uninhibited which is euphoric to be so free of anxiety while drinking but a bit shameful afterwords. Mostly just disappointing because i don't feel able to maintain that ease with socializing and people i meet while drinking notice a change in my personality once sober. I am closed up and stiff sober. As a sober person i feel like i have tape over my mouth and can't express myself. There is a deep rooted feeling that I don't deserve to communicate my needs or emotions because other people come first. I rarely get a word in or need of mine met. Its very frustrating and anxiety producing. I feel responsible for how others feel. As a child and still to this day i feel responsible for how my mother feels. Like everything i do makes or breaks her emotionally. It has caused me to feel resentment towards her and often shut down. I didn't and don't want to be responsible for her emotions. I want to be emotionally healthy and love myself appropriately. I flip flop on the idea of seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. I am frugal and don't have insurance that covers these things. I have tried klonopin and xanax a few times. the Klonopin seemed to have a very nice effect on my anxiety but am unsure of using this drug long term. Ultimately i am tired of dealing my anxiety and am lonely. As a sober person i will usually not take any risk when it comes to women. Consequently i rarely date. The last few girls i dated were all initiated by the girls. I feel responsible for how things go and don't want to hurt them or me. It all seems so ridiculous.
I feel like i don't know how and at the same time do not want to if i just keeping losing them. I don't handle the loss very well. I like to be in control as much as possible. I have a pessimism about
My parents never married and I grew up being raised by my mother and occasionally seeing my father. My mom is a very passive person and pretends like everything is fine much of the time.
I feel like i don't know how and at the same time do not want to if i just keeping losing them. I don't handle the loss very well. I like to be in control as much as possible. I have a pessimism about
My parents never married and I grew up being raised by my mother and occasionally seeing my father. My mom is a very passive person and pretends like everything is fine much of the time.
