YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello,

I have been listening to the show for a little over six months, but this is the first time posting in the forum. My OCD dictated that I had to listen to every episode of the podcast before I could post in the forum or respond to a survey or else everyone would see through my false attitude of knowing and hate me for it. That is my OCD brain, not my wise mind which says you don't have to listen to every episode to be a fan of a show. Now that I have read over this post ten times to make sure I didn't make any spelling or grammatical errors I can proceed to post. If that doesn't sum up why I'm here I don't know what does.

Data

Welcome, Data.

Did you name yourself after Lieutenant Commander Data, by chance? As a huge Trekkie, I am delighted by the idea.

I'm not OCD myself, but I relate what you said about listening to all the episodes to what I've heard called "Imposter Syndrome" and it sounds like a problem you and I may share. Just confirmed the definition on Wikipedia because I'm a careful researcher like that and would like to share it with you:

The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

Every day of my life, I feel like I'm "faking it" and that I don't belong in places I objective evidence to the contrary exists to show I am good enough and I do belong. I felt that way when I first signed up for the forum and stopped posting for about a year. I still feel like I'm intruding to be here but I'm planning to stick around anyway and hope you do the same.

I certainly did take my name from Lieutenant Commander Data.
I have never heard of "impostor syndrome" before, but it fits me to a tee. I constantly believe that I am faking my competence and that others are just failing to see that I am really a fool and a fake. I thought as much when you mentioned you are a Trekkie. I thought: "Oh no, she is going to think I am a Trekkie as well, but I have only fully watched TNG and a lot of Deep Space Nine. I have never watched more than a handful of the original series." Regardless of the fact that I picked Data for a name based on my life long love of the character. Even I can't help but see the irony.

It may be a genuine irony that I first heard of imposter syndrome from the ever-aweome Wil Wheaton: https://wilwheaton.net/2013/12/not-ever ... hats-okay/

I would certainly count you as a Trekkie (if you want to accept the label) based on what you've watched. Geeks and fandom can be judgmental about who "counts" as a "real" "fan" but I say if you enjoy it and want to come play with or talk to other people who enjoy it, you count. I'd never seen anything but The Original Series and the first few seasons of TNG until a couple years ago when I decided to get back to my Trek roots. Thanks to Netflix, I've watched it all now, but I wouldn't be any less of a fan if I hadn't.

Data is wonderful as a character. Spock was always my favorite. At the age of seven (in the 1980s) I dreamed of marrying him and having pointy eared babies (side note: My actual wedding this past June was Klingon style like Warf and Dax's wedding). When TNG came along, Data was my favorite. Having watched them again as an adult, I can see why. Really both characters speak deeply to my feelings of not quite fitting in. Being the "alien life form" has been my experience so often even when I fit in, I'm still on the weird end of things.

I do think most people have at least of a touch of imposter syndrome. All the people I'm close to seem to have it even if they are otherwise mentally healthy. It's funny really that we are all running around pretending to be what versions of ourselves other people will like and the person we pretend to be might actually be our true selves.

Hello Data!

Now that I have read over this post ten times to make sure I didn't make any spelling or grammatical errors I can proceed to post. If that doesn't sum up why I'm here I don't know what does.

I have to do that on posts. I don't want to make an error and look dumb. Not knowing if some "troll" will come and say how stupid I am for making an error. I think the only error would be not saying anything.

I'm so thankful for this forum and podcast that I can read about other peoples situations and relationship with mental illness and how it has impacted them. I have OCD tendencies as most people do and can relate to many things you posted. I find my anxiety, depression, and drug problems to be where my afflictions roam. It was difficult for me to post without hearing all the episodes. And not wanting to speak about me was a main reason too.
Any ways. Hope you enjoy navigating this realm in which we explore the ugly underbelly of the mind. Also happiness.