YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I've listened to the podcast for a while now, but made an account to actually interact after listening to Kira's story.

I'm also a 29 year old female dealing with sobriety, sexuality, and anxiety issues. I haven't done drugs in like a decade, but because of the fact that I'm around alcohol all day everyday, I have the worst time wanting to go through life without that chemical filter. I blame social anxiety. I've really been trying to get 100% sober for about a year now... and up until a couple months ago, I'd always just tell myself that I wasn't an alcoholic... I'm just allergic to alcohol or because I'm petite of course I end up drinking too much. However recently when I've drank, I felt the need to actually drink until I literally could not think straight. I lost any desire to really know what is going out when I'm out around other people. This has also led to dangerous situations with men, as I think I am also a sex addict and really lack sexual boundaries. Oh and I'm a stripper. Yeah... recipe for disaster.

Like Kira, I'm a self destructive mess of a girl when I drink... I also drink whiskey... and giving me alcohol is like fucking around with a loaded gun. I'm almost amused when guys go out with me multiple times and still buy me drinks. I go from being naked and happy and probably fucking borderline annoying and insisting on having sex for like 3 hours straight to punching them and crying. I'm a peach.

I'm pretty much over my denial that I have a problem and am currently taking active steps to better my life and myself. I've joined a yoga gym to help calm my mind and get some exercise (i find that relieves my anxiety). I'm also looking to take a boring job, because I obviously can't control my sexual boundaries with men and I can't be around a room full of men who all want to buy me a drink and stay sober. My friends always kind of laugh when I say, "Ugh, I want to go work today, but I really don't feel like drinking." They say that only I would have that problem.

I've always prided myself on my ridiculousness and being incapable of existing in reality, because I haven't wanted to show anyone my true self in a very long time. Seriously, probably since like middle school. I'm nearly 30 and just now at the place most people are at when they're like 19. Luckily, I'm responsible in other way... My checking account hasn't been overdrawn in over 10 years and I've never missed a rent payment... but I've refused to be an adult socially.

So, yeah, before this becomes a novel... Hi.

Oh and yes, my name is an Anais Nin reference.

Hey!

I like your chances.

I've been straightedge/sober for nearly 6 years, and I can get a feeling when someone says they want to get sober. Alot of times I don't see it, but you got chutzpah, kid.

Also, most of my friends and I got sober/stopped drinking in the 27 to 32 age (though a person can get sober at any age). 29 is the sweet spot for getting sober.

There are lots of great things about getting sober; for me it was getting my senses back: I love candy. And colors are so much brighter and richer.

As a single man, oftentimes I'll invite a woman out for a drink for a first date. Not only is it culturally convenient, it gives me a chance to see how she handles the alcohol question. Often as not they're sober/straightedge/over drinking, so lol.

Here is my advice, for what it is worth: since you know something is wrong, be willing to take action/make a decision when there is a consequence to drinking. For me, one consequence of drinking was throwing glasses in anger. Besides striking me as childish, it was not using my words. Another consequence could be blackout driving.

Lastly, please remember that there are many ways to get sober. AA keeps millions of people alive, but it is not for me. If/when you choose to stop drinking, you'll discover the right way for you.

And really, I never lost anything by stopping to drink, other than said consequences and the awful fogginess. The sober life, as I understand it, is so much more.It is hard to put into words.

Enough pontificating regarding my opinions. I hope you do well. I like your chances.

Hey Oak,

Thanks for your response. I actually have decided to stop drinking... i'm just really taking it "one step at a time", or in little increments.

It's funny how so many men don't respect that I don't want to drink. I've dated guys before that have seen me in my shit faced glory that still buy me drinks I don't want. They order something, I say I'm fine, I goto the bathroom... come back... a manhattan magically appeared. It seriously baffles me. Maybe they just want to fuck me, but they should realize the sex would be better sober.

my consequences are far worse than throwing glasses... i literally had to hit rock bottom.

again, thank you for your support. :]