Not sure what to say
Posted: May 22nd, 2014, 8:53 am
Hi:
I am always at a loss on what to write when introducing myself. I have long internal monologues that go silent when I am faced with a screen or paper. I was diagnosed with unipolar depression in my late 20s with traces of borderline. I hate the diagnoses of borderline mostly because of it's association with being a woman only diagnoses; however, it does explain most of my mood swings from very elated to crying in a cafe because my hotchocolate order was wrong.
My childhood was very dysfunctional to put it mildly, though I never experienced sexual abuse, my dad was physically abusive towards my sister and I. There was a lot of body policing when I hit puberty. I don't think he liked the thought of my turning into a woman. My father focused all his rage primarily at my sister, while I was the favourite. haha. Being the favourite came with its own pressures, I was never good enough and could never measure up to his standards. My mother finally separated from him in my early teens. At the time, I was very upset, but looking on it now, it was a good thing. I think the body policing, which made me ashamed of my own body, would have gotten worse as I got older.
My dad was/is a very manipulative person. Most of his abuse happened when my mom was not around, and he had away of separating us from each other. He was also a con artist or embezzler. this fact came out as I got older. he spent much of my teen years in and out of prison. He had actually spent time in prison when I was a child too. A fact that I did not know until my mom separated from him.
There is more to this story about my dad's continual lies and abuse, but this is an intro so I will be brief. So much for writers block. HA! There is one thing I learned as a teenager into adulthood, if you are related to a criminal it is assumed that you either complicit in their crimes, you will become a criminal yourself or there is someway you could have stopped them. If I could stop my dad from lying, I would.
that's all I have for now.
Just Anne.
I am always at a loss on what to write when introducing myself. I have long internal monologues that go silent when I am faced with a screen or paper. I was diagnosed with unipolar depression in my late 20s with traces of borderline. I hate the diagnoses of borderline mostly because of it's association with being a woman only diagnoses; however, it does explain most of my mood swings from very elated to crying in a cafe because my hotchocolate order was wrong.
My childhood was very dysfunctional to put it mildly, though I never experienced sexual abuse, my dad was physically abusive towards my sister and I. There was a lot of body policing when I hit puberty. I don't think he liked the thought of my turning into a woman. My father focused all his rage primarily at my sister, while I was the favourite. haha. Being the favourite came with its own pressures, I was never good enough and could never measure up to his standards. My mother finally separated from him in my early teens. At the time, I was very upset, but looking on it now, it was a good thing. I think the body policing, which made me ashamed of my own body, would have gotten worse as I got older.
My dad was/is a very manipulative person. Most of his abuse happened when my mom was not around, and he had away of separating us from each other. He was also a con artist or embezzler. this fact came out as I got older. he spent much of my teen years in and out of prison. He had actually spent time in prison when I was a child too. A fact that I did not know until my mom separated from him.
There is more to this story about my dad's continual lies and abuse, but this is an intro so I will be brief. So much for writers block. HA! There is one thing I learned as a teenager into adulthood, if you are related to a criminal it is assumed that you either complicit in their crimes, you will become a criminal yourself or there is someway you could have stopped them. If I could stop my dad from lying, I would.
that's all I have for now.
Just Anne.
