YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi Everyone,
I listen to the podcast sometimes and I just checked out the forum today. In in my mid-30s and married. I've lived with episodes of depression
for about 20 years now, and also deal with a few other issues that I may disclose here, with time. I hope to be able to offer some support on this
forum in the future. As of right now though, I am not keeping my own head above water to well. Basically, I'm just trying to make it through each
day as fast as I can so I can lay down in my pitch dark bedroom, curl up in a fetal position and try to escape from myself. Of course, it never
happens. Who was it that said, "No matter where you go, there you are."? Well, whoever it was, it's true. No matter what I do, I'm stuck right
there with the person I hate worst in this whole world. Me.

Hello YLC2525, welcome to our little forum. Already I see you have contributed to the threads here. That is awesome!

I know what you mean. Sometimes I wish the universe would screw up and forget to keep my consciousness turned on, and my body would move around empty like a robot. What a joy, I could die inside and nobody would ever know.

Please don't hate yourself. We are here and we understand. It will get better.

Feeling states are temporary, even when they tell us they are permanent. That permanent feeling is part of what our feeling states tell us, our feelings actually change a lot more than we might notice. I am glad you have joined this forum. I just joined today and I feel this is a big step for me, too. I have been struggling alone with a cluster fuck of thoughts that are driving me to exhaustion and doing no good to improve my life. It feels like a big step to admit what a mess I am, but I also feel good for admitting it, like the step of admitting puts me a little ahead of the thought hounds.

It will get better.

Irrational Persistance (IP)

Basically, I'm just trying to make it through each
day as fast as I can so I can lay down in my pitch dark bedroom, curl up in a fetal position and try to escape from myself

Yes, indeed. Waiting for sleep that doesn't come, or comes too heavily. Ignoring what is going on everywhere around you, wishing it could stop so you could catch your breath.

Thank you all for replying to my message. I very much appreciate it. It is helpful to read your words. I wish
each of you the best on the difficulties that have brought you here. Thank you again.