Getting there
Posted: June 23rd, 2014, 12:52 pm
Hello! I've been listening to the podcast for just a few weeks and really enjoying it. I'm not sure what I searched for in iTunes that led me to it, but it probably had something to do with narcissism. Actually, I've been laying off the podcasts and articles about Cluster B's because it's been in my head for about 2 years now and I'm sick to death of it. A narcissist/psychopath led me into therapy, where I've discovered that my childhood spent with a self-centered alcoholic mother and emotionally neglectful father really did a number on me. Huh. I thought I was just fine, thank you. I have a terrific husband and 2 cool daughters, but every so often, I'd go off the rails with self-loathing. I felt very ashamed of myself and had a few elder aunts tell me as much. "No one ever beat you!" Anyway, I got tangled up with someone who showed up in my life and basically dragged me through hell emotionally. People get offended when I liken it to "emotional rape" but that's what it is. They make you think they're something they're not, create and manipulate feelings and then they unmask themselves and you feel like you're crazy because no one else sees it. Had I not been so co-dependant and ready to assume the best in everyone and the worst in myself, I might have realized from the get-go that this dickwad was bad news. But no, I kept making excuses for his craziness (it was a long-distance "friendship" that I got very wrapped up in)…just like I made excuses for my family and figured I was the one who was "too sensitive" and couldn't take a joke or didn't have a clear perception for whatever reason. The truth was that there is and never was anything inherently wrong with me. I'm fine. I'm great. I was just programmed to believe that I wasn't. So now I'm doing EMDR therapy to kind of reprogram my brain, to take the emotional zing out of crappy childhood memories that made me believe that garbage. I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'll check back later after I've had dinner. 