YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

My name is Tara, I am seventeen years old and I struggle with manic depression, anorexia, and severe social anxiety. (god why do these always sound like AA intros?) I have been hospitalized three times (inpatient) and put into one outpatient program, all within the past year. I have struggled with social and general anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, but the anorexia cropped up when I was about thirteen or fourteen. I am currently in recovery, and haven't had disordered eating habits for... Maybe two months now? *scattered applause* I still struggle with body image problems a lot but luckily I no longer fuel it by restricted eating.
I have a boyfriend who makes me very happy, we just passed 6 months together.
I have a very bad home situation. My stepdad fuels most of my anxiety and my mother doesn't help.
Also I have no friends. And I hate myself.
I'm an active member of multiple forums but just found this one, and I'm not too sure how it works. I'm not here for sympathy, I don't really know why I'm here at all to be honest. I think I'm just tired of feeling like worthless trash 24/7.

Hello Tara!

I thought the same thing when I was trying to think of what to say on my intro, the normal AA intro entered my head, lol.

I'm glad you're recovering from your eating disorder! I have been lucky enough that I haven't fully experienced going through an eating disorder, but I can definitely feel the potential for an eating disorder inside of me. It's a lifelong struggle, but never give up! Body image problems suck and it's so hard to go away. You and your body are beautiful because you are you, and your body is your body, but if it ever feels too hard to love your body don't feel bad. It's a mental work in progress, never force it enough to feel like a failure if you find things you don't love your body. Same with yourself mentally. You sound like a wonderful person and not deserving of the hate you have towards yourself. Even if you do not have any friends currently does not say anything against you as a person. It's heartbreaking knowing you're having to go through so many anxieties at home without much of an escape. At 17 and living in the house that adds to your anxieties doesn't help, and I hope within a few years you can have the resources to break away from that stress.

A lot of us here aren't necessarily looking for sympathy, just a place to vent and talk about stuff that hopefully someone else can relate to. I have bad social anxieties and fear saying things even here, but at the same time find some solace knowing I'm not alone and other people share my pain. Hearing kind words from a stranger that understands what you're going through can help ease the pain. You're not alone in the world and you're not trash.