YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I am 25 year old guy with a few problems. Here is the abridged version. I had been blissfully enjoying the life of an aimless pothead until I met the woman of my dreams. Then my life turned into a nightmare. I was unknowingly using the weed to self medicate anxiety and depression. It wasn't until trying to quit this lifestyle for her did I realize how messed up I really am. I would consider myself a lazy guy with his head in the clouds, and this is without weed. She is my polar opposite she is put together, self assured, educated, employed, and amazing. I am a crazy, insecure, unemployed dropout, bum. Our conflicting viewpoints clashed and thus began a 2 year whirlwind filled with; arguments, car crashes, suicide attempts, pills, proposals, and weekends at the psych ward. She finally cut the cord on me. Now I am alone, addicted, broke, and depressed. I am now forced to move back with my parents with the hopes of picking up the pieces to my life. I know what I need to focus on, getting sober and addressing my mental health. I fear though, I will not be able to do this and that I will only worry about trying to get back with her. This is highly unlikely and not a good idea, but in the back of my mind that is all that I want.

Hello lazybob,

I identify with your story because my wife is Type A, and I am the anxious, depressed, lethargic, avoidant one. It is a very difficult way to live, because she cannot sympathize or understand my challenges.

I think you are correct about "I know what I need to focus on, getting sober and addressing my mental health." Please don't slide into self-hatred. You deserve to be self-loving, because the process will be slow and you will need a lot of patience and compassion for yourself.

Please take care, all the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

Thanks manuel_moe_g for the reply. I hear of lot of you are not alone on the podcast and here on the forum. Just hearing what you said helped. I am a real loner so it's unnatural for me to look for help. I'm surrounded by druggies that tell me to just hit the blunt and I'll feel better. My positive influences unfortunately, don't understand depression and see me as irresponsible and weak. Recently, I have been isolating and letting myself wallow in my depression. I stumbled on this podcast and it's the one thing that makes me want to get better. I really am tired of hating myself.

This podcast has saved my life. I hope it saves yours, too. I think that a lot of us can identify and empathize. I'm glad you are here. I agree with both you and Moe; focusing on recovery from weed overuse and self-medicating is paramount to getting to a place of self-care. It wasn't until I quit using that I came to (trying) the shaky understanding that I am worthy. I'm sending you much love, care, and healing energy. Peace.