YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi,

Borderline, ADD, severe anxiety, depression, body dismorphia, agorophobia... is that enough?

I've been actually diagnosed by a 2 different psychiatrists with borderline, one diagnosis for ADD, and the rest are my best guess based on symptoms.

My biggest problem right now, is that I am broke and unemployed, and I KNOW that I cannot hold a job right now. I am not even applying for work because what's the point? I will fail. Again.

My mind is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I have enough intelligence and common sense to see what is happening, but not enough to find a solution.

I cannot focus. My ADD medication is the only thing that has helped me get this far; at least I am AWAKE from day to day, and capable of reading, researching, learning, etc.

But every day I think I know what I'm doing, I think I know what I need to do next, but every day, I change my mind COMPLETELY. My mind is like an untrained pit bull on a leash - if you've ever tried to walk a big dog like that, you know when they see another dog or a kid on a skateboard or whatever and they yank your arm out of the socket? That's what my mind does to me all day, every day. It's a special kind of crazy that I only recently have been able to articulate.

I'm here because I hope someone can tell me what this is, so I can figure out how to fix it!

Hello FranticFear, welcome to our little forum! Make yourself at home in the different threads here.

I read your post and I honor your sense of pain.

FranticFear wrote:I have enough intelligence and common sense to see what is happening, but not enough to find a solution.

Being able to see what is happening is the start, and that awareness can carry you through to a new way of living without the massive suffering. It just takes time.

Please take care, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

FranticFear, I am so with you on the unemployed and broke stuff. You are definitely not alone with that and I hope that things get better with that. I don't know if you can "fix" things but you can definitely learn how to walk with mental illness. I'm trying to do that now so I'm in no position to speak with authority on that but I often use the terms "fixed" or "broken" so I know how you feel. Welcome to the forum and I hope you take care of yourself and find some peace.