Hi Professionals, any insight on dissociation?

[loney]

I just posted this in the DID forum page thingie. Someone give me some goddamn advice while I'm still living and in control of myself.


Anyone there?
Postby loney » August 8th, 2016, 9:56 pm

I'm fairly certain I dissociate very frequently but do not have a strong hold on recognizing it and therefore I don't think my therapists have either. Its a word I've heard in offices once or twice but never explored with a professional, that I can recall, of course. To therapists I've always been a bipolar/borderline hard to treat patient and, of course, exposed to random pharmaceutical guinea pig treatment and traumatic hospital experiences which only lead to a hell of a lot more problems. I am no longer under any professional care (going on 6 months), considering taking it up again before I end up dead or in prison for some bullshit I don't feel like I actually took any part in. I am not optimistic about finding anyone in my local area helpful, but I suppose its time to try again. I am in dire need of information, apparently, because I spent years educating myself about bipolar and borderline and its just not fucking adding up. I do swing between hypomania (apx 1-4 weeks) and depression (apx 2-6 months) and do identify with all of the BPD DSM criteria. I know dissociation is associated with my diagnoses but not a whole hell of a lot else. My short stints of research left me seriously wondering when the fuck I was raped as a chid and by who and hoping to fucking god I don't ever remember it, for everyones safety, like the 23 year old girl I meet in treatment once who had just suddenly remembered that her father had raped her throughout her youth and no one would believe her. I do feel like I am growing and learning sometimes but then there are other times when I am entirely out of control for sometimes months, then pretend like the whole thing didnt happen anyway because I don't feel like that was me, so why dwell on it when I need to move forward? Meanwhile I feel there is someone screaming back in my mind to be let loose and I am not looking forward to the day where I let my gaurds down and she comes out to attack.