Where do I start?

[stiffupperlip]

Hi, I'm struggling, big time. 43yr old married man with 2 beautiful girls.
Diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety.
Had a friend killed in car crash when we were 18. Another close friend 10 years ago, another car crash. I grew up with them all, in our village, starting school together, etc.
So then someone totals my car on the way home from work one day and a week later, I'm in bits. It's been a roller coaster ride since then. 2 years of counselling and I was doing ok.
Then my best friend dies from a brain tumour. So that's 3 out of our gang, gone.
My wife has her own issues (don't we all!?), so it's really tough at home sometimes.
But in the last 6 months or so, I've started sliding down the slippery slope. Tried to get in contact with my old counseller, but I'm told I need to go through the proper channels first. There's a 3 month waiting list. I'm struggling t get by day to day and it's all closing in. Again.
Waiting for the car accident that will take me away from it all.