YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

What I take from scorwitz's response is that what you're asking for is counter to the very mission of a trained therapist. A person who spends that many years learning how to help people "overcome self-limiting beliefs" isn't going to just be able to turn it off because a prospective client would rather embrace beliefs that would be considered self-limiting.

I would propose that if you need help accepting the limited "reality" you've defined for yourself, maybe there's still a question whether it's real? I don't know. My life is a Mount Rushmore of poo right now, so I could just be giving myself a pep talk.

I'm in total agreement with what you've just written, Neufena. Doing therapy on that premise; if I become a better person, I'll get better, is very spurious; even harmful.

Letting go of that is what therapy is all about. Being yourself; which is to say, feeling what you really feel, learning to show it and being accepted for it; that is closer to the real purpose of therapy.

Thanks for all your replies. I guess I'm just really scared that (again) I will believe my own 'hype' so to speak. I'll start to think "ok, so I'm not all bad, some people will like me" then (like last time) start trying to connect with people and be repeatedly rejected. I've found that attempting to believe I'm someone I'm not led to more hurt and failure, I just want to accept who I am. But nobody will ever help with that because accepting being a failure isn't 'healthy' and is 'limiting'. This leaves me with only one option. Keep working hard to try and be a success at everything, then a therapist can make me believe I'm not a failure and it won't be a lie. If that makes sense

You're really struggling with some paradoxes there; the bull by the horns. I accept that you have failed. Accepting you have an unmanageable life is the first step towards recovery. Being close to other people is scary, especially when you don't know how; when to move close, when to keep your distance; how to listen; to let others hear you. How to progress; negotiate; its hard stuff to learn; to adjust to. Sometimes, at the time, there's just nothing you can do. But being yourself is very important; it's vital, more important than success. Trust your instincts. I think if you don't contemplate failures, that that is unhealthy and limiting; because you'll never learn from them, or how to recover from them, in that case.

Hello neufena, maybe stress to therapist that you are particularly sensitive to backsliding after some initial success.

Please take care, keep in touch.

Thanks,

That's a good idea. I will mention that if/when I go back to therapy.

I would suggest trying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It is a variant of CBT that includes acceptance of thoughts and emotions, with the aim of helping you engage in valued activities. it turns the common modality of therapy that states that we need to change our thoughts and emotions first, to build a better life, on its head. Rather it states that when we put a ton of energy into "fixing" our thoughts and feelings that we often get pulled away from engaging in valued activities. Often that manifests as, "When I feel better or non longer think I'm a crappy human, then I can engage in self care, build a life worth living, get a job, be in a relationship, etc." ACT instead states-- "Having painful thoughts and emotions is a normal part of human experience. Using a lot of energy to try to get rid of these thoughts/feelings pulls us away from building a meaningful life." This is a gross oversimplification of ACT, but I think it would work much better with the problems you are describing.

I also think dialectical behavior therapy could be a good approach.

(I'm a psychologist who uses both of these treatment modalities)

Thanks, that sounds very interesting. Sadly DBT is only available here for young people who self harm. If a doctor ever shows interracial in me again I'll bask about ACT. At the moment I've been given up on so I need to wait and see if I'm allow back some time.

I'm assuming you've tried a psychiatrist in addition to psychologists since you mention multiple different types of meds? I just wonder if it might help to have a diagnosis for your condition that might help you frame it in a way that helps you zero in on a plan to cope with it.

I'm also just generally curious as to why you have decided that you being worthless is the 'true reality' and the alternative reality of you not being worthless is the false one? It sounds like you have a very strong negative bias such that it is easy to see the bad and to ignore the good. Is it even remotely possible that you've made an error in your analysis and that you might actually not be completely worthless after all?? It's pretty hard to be purely anything after all. I bet you have at least a couple parts per million of worthiness contaminating your vision of pure worthlessness lol. In all seriousness I really hope you find a good fit with a therapist that can help you find ways to cope with your reality. All the best.

neufena wrote:Thanks for replying. I too have spent many years in various kinds of therapy and treatment. Unfortunately this is an attitude I've met many times. At first I bought into it. I tried to alter my perception of reality and build up my self esteem. However it was disastrous every time. I'd start to believe the false reality I'd created and act more confident. Then I'd end up being socially humiliated in various ways and the illusion would come crashing down. I've tried ignoring reality and its been more damaging than good. What I'm hoping for is help me accept who I am, not pretend I'm something I'm not.

I understand people want to see the best in people but not everybody is talented or worthwhile. Some of us just need to play the hand we're dealt and stop bluffing.

Hi,

I'm in the UK so my medications are prescribed by my doctor. The mental health services here seem to go less in for diagnosis and more for treatment under a general banner of 'depression' or anxiety. I could ask to be referred to a psychiatrist but all I would get is a label to stick on how I feel. I always find it surprising the way in US everyone seems to have a detailed and long label for their issues.

As to why I feel it's the true reality is that no matter how hard I try I can never get anything right. Everything I do is not up to scratch. When I've allowed mental health professionals to falsely build my confidence I then make a fool of myself and realise how much of a lie it is. However, I will agree with you about being purely worthless. I suppose it technically correct to say 'almost entirely but not completely worthless' but that does tend to be a bit of a long-winded way of saying it!