YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

is there anyone in this group with any experience with bullying of adults ?

"When no one has your back, it is time to move your back"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4nJ1YEAp4

Heed the wise words of The Gambler. Seriously.

I've not lately been bullied at work, but I do know the answer: walkaway power.

If I were being bullied at work, and had to get out, here are three things I'd do immediately (as in today):

1. Learn high-value, specific skills. SQL first, then CAD. Then HTML, audio/photo skills, git. All of these are open source. You have the intellect to learn these.

2. Build up LinkedIn profile (complete, photo, skills, recommendations, at least 50 good connections). List your new SQL, CAD, and HTML skills on your LinkedIn. You want recruiters to contact you. If you have SQL and CAD, you have excellent chances of them calling you.

3. Read job-finding books, especially What Color is Your Parachute. Implement starting today what it says to do.

There is probably no fixing your current work situation. You have to get out. Study SQL and CAD. They are your fastest means out. Start today. You have to take action. You have to get out.

Good luck.

Workplace bullying or violence are the same things. It is a fundamental right of the employee to have a respectful workplace. There are different types of violence faceed by employee in their workplace. Now a days violence is not limited to physical one, t can be mentally al well.

I work in a position where I often have to confront bullies on behalf of their victims. It doesn’t ever get easy, but like meditation or Duolingo, you can practice your way to some better reflexes. If there is not someone at your work who can advocate for you, or even is there is, it’s always worth having some scripts that you can fall back on when you’re caught off guard. Even if your bullies are the kind too narcissistic or psychopathic to reach, it’s a comfort to have a few go-to phrases.

Some of mine are:

I can hear you are irritated, but I need you help me understand why, because it’s not adding up to me.
Let’s start again, because I can’t hear past your tone right now.
Honestly, I’ll need to think about what you’ve said before I can respond. It’s a lot to take in. I’ll get back to you later.
My gut feeling is that _________ [higher ranking person] is going to want to weigh in on this. Why don’t we loop her in before going any further?

In front of others:

________ [name a bystander/witness], do you agree? I’d be curious to hear what you have to say.
This feels a little off topic. Can we shift back to the agenda item at hand?
Excuse me, how is that connected to _________ [the subject/question under consideration]?

For more extreme moments:

This is just not okay. I’m done talking with you right now.
I don’t understand. Are you trying to solve a problem or to create one right now?
I need to exit this conversation right now. I am feeling threatened/attacked/unsafe.
OK I’m going to stop you right there. This is not productive or appropriate and I have other things to do that are both.

I know this all seems a little mealy mouthed, but I find firm-but-not-accusatory gets you out of the situation fastest. If you start accusing or labeling (however justified) you leave your own body, get hot and panicky, and lose the goal: to disengage and exit. Reactivity and emotion feed a bully, and what we feed... grows.

Sorry if that’s not at all what you’re looking for! I work with this a lot, and I get a bit fired up about it!!

Good luck, and sorry it you’re going through this right now.