YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Testing out the waters on this forum...

So I haven't talked to my therapist in my months and my psychiatrist in a while. I'm taking medication (effexor (sp), seroquel, and klonopin) and have talked to my psychiatrist about my drinking. It really started becoming a nightly thing when school started and my anxiety sky-rocketed; my therapist upped by dose of klonopin and said "2 glasses of wine" but that the alcohol would not otherwise interfere with my meds.

Soooo here's where I'm at:

Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family.

I am noticing mental and physical affects of drinking daily that I don't like.

The reasons I know for sure why I drink: it inhibits nicotine need, so I get to smoke more--I rarely just drink without having a cigarette. My habit it to smoke a cigarette and drink, not to just have the alcohol by itself. This obviously isn't an "always always" case but I really like the alcohol for the nicotine, mostly. It's begun to feel both like a habit and a way to escape my depression--the effexor has not really done much to curtail the depression I came into once my anxiety was neutralized by the extra klonopin.

I also KNOW I need to stop drinking so much. Like it's in my head daily. It's just that I live in an environment, with my parents, where they is a lot of alcohol around. I want to replace cigarettes and alcohol with better habits but feel VERY alone in this when actually it'd be nice to have some help.

Also I don't drink to pass out--I drink sometimes to fall asleep, but I've only blacked out twice. I'm not even looking for a drunk phrase--just a phase where I can laugh, eat, and sleep.

I'm asking the "am I an alcoholic" question because of future treatment plans. I don't like the idea of AA's sort of religious-y vibe, but I also tried looking up more secular versions of AA--they're extremely disorganized to the point of frustration.

So I guess I wanna know if getting back in touch with my therapist along with the meds will be enough to get off the alcohol and nicotine. I wanna do the nicotine first but I don't know what I'd do if I was desperate for some respite from the withdrawal, like drink something and then oh oops the craving comes back on hard.

So I know I need to quit drinking: i just wonder how seriously I need to attack that specific problem over the others that I have.

*Oh, also, I took the mile on my psych's inch on the 'two glasses" thing. Definitely drink more than that. 4-5~ maybe? :/ Depends on when I start and I usually do around dinner.

I know when I was on effexor, my drinking increased a ton. I always drank on or off effexor but not as much as when I was off of it.

I don't know what to say. It sounds like you have a plan in place to control your drinking. I used to try to control my drinking too. I tried to quit for a month here and there. I noticed it was hard to be dry. All of my problems seemed to amplify when I didn't drink.

I eventually gave up trying to quit on my own. I ended up going to AA about 10 years ago, got a sponsor and did the work. My life got better that it had ever been within 6 months. My only regret was that I didn't go to AA sooner.

Ive had ups and downs in sobriety but life is much better sober.

Do I miss drinking...yes. It was fun. Its just not worth the trouble anymore.

Are you an alcoholic? I don't know. Thats up to you to decide. I don't get a commission if you go to AA. Is there other ways to get sober...?

You could try a few different meetings out. Find a sponsor for 60 days. If it doesn't work, go back to drinking.

(Disclosure: I am 6.5 years sober, straightedge variety. While I admire the recovery movement, I am not obligated to carry a drop of water for them, so I won't be singing from the recovery/disease model hymnal, great as that movement is.)

Are you an alcoholic? Maybe. It sounds like you are headed there.

It may be more profitable for you to be aware of the following, as signals:

1. If close friends tell you they are concerned about your drinking.

2. If you are starting to do the knuckleheaded debacles drunks love to blunder into: getting into fights with random people, starting fires, blacking out, getting a DUI, vomiting blood, drinking in the morning, pontificating to barflies, getting fired, getting robbed, smelling like alcohol at work. All the classics.

As far as the nicotine, it sounds to me like the pleasure synapses/connections of alcohol and cigarettes are all sorts of intertwined. Undoing that might be a chore. In general, I highly recommend you stop smoking. More and more places won't hire smokers, and I have to agree with them. But that's a whole 'nother forum thread.

As far as being in an environment of alcohol, I can identify: I had six weeks sober when I was sent to run a fraternity house at the #1 party school in the country (they were proud of this). I can assure you that some of the revolting aftermath I saw in the harsh light of many Sunday at 9 am really convinced me that the sober life is amazing. What I saw was not glamorous. These stories churned my friends' stomachs when I had the poor taste to report what is still burned in my brain.

As far as your hope that therapy and meds will help you change your drinking behavior. I hope it does. Will it? I don't know. I highly encourage you to try whatever means come to mind to reduce/stop drinking.

Like mickeal, who posted such fine advice above, I found things really got better after six months of no drinking. Colors, tastes: oh they exploded in my brain. I was crying all the time, it was great. I craved candy and sweets, and I still do.

The thing is that it takes months for the mental/emotional fog and cobwebs to clear. Alcohol won't let a person make a rational decision about alcohol.

I suggest six to eighteen months of no drinking. That is how long it took my brain to reboot emotionally. Like mickeal said, you can always go back to drinking. (Though drinking may seem revolting or dreadfully boring after a year plus of sobriety.)

Whatever you choose, it is your journey. Congratulations for asking these hard questions of yourself. I hope you find what you are looking for!

A few years ago I also questioned whether my drinking was becoming a problem. I decided that the fact that I was even contemplating it was a indication that even if I wasn't an alcoholic my drinking was not serving me and I was heading down a road of self destruction. Smoking and drinking were a package deal for me, if I smoked I craved a drink...if I drank then I craved a smoke. I started by giving up smoking first, which in a wierd way helped me quit drinking because I knew that alcohol was a trigger for me. I suggest you try changing one habit at a time, it's really hard to make multiple changes. Another thing that helped me in my weakest moments was reminding myself all the reasons I wanted to quite...for example with smoking I would think of how much I hated the way it smelled, the guilt I felt for sneaking around so my kids wouldn't see me smoke, the irritating cough that was always there, ect. Good luck, I wish you well I know it's really hard.

Update:

I talked to my psychiatrist about my drinking and depression. He put me on new medication and for the trial period and at his advice, I haven't had a drink since Tuesday.

Interesting because I'm not craving it so much? I feel like the new med is what I'm depending on--it's not "working" yet, but it's like my new crutch, and I don't want to ruin my new crutch by drinking, so it's easy to just be like "meh."

Mind you the first day I spent literally... probably over 12 hours playing a videogame just to distract myself. And stayed up for SEVERAL hours, like past 24 hours, but did get a nap in. It was a weird day.

Basically my sleep is fucking bonkers right now and I feel very nauseated, but I've also just started my period, and my period usually makes me nauseated. I think the combo of not drinking very recently + new meds + bad sleep + period makes a pretty good cauldron of horrible stomach issues for me right now. If I had the choice to not eat I would but I have to eat at least a little for my new meds, and my mom gets worried sick if I don't eat, so I am getting some sustenance in. Hoping the sleeping and eating will even out with each other eventually.

Thanks for everyone's response. I am worried if this new med will stick and I don't feel a need to go back to drinking, but so far I'm not in a bad place. Just like "meh" at my sleep schedule and trying out the new meds.

When I even out more I definitely will make a charge to quit smoking; I'm thinking it will have to be in tandem with something, though, like exercise or seeing a talk therapist.

Keep being a great person, Sherlock! So glad to hear you are taking care of yourself in a self-loving way!

Thanks for the update Sherlock, glad to hear your on the right path. I empathize with the sleep issues and the other adjustments that come along with a new med! I've been there(HUGS). Keep loving yourself, your worth it!