YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

The 40 year-old public administrator talks about "losing her humanity" being assigned to work on a criminal defense unit on behalf of sexually violent predators and the anxiety, panic and breakdowns that followed. She also talks about her chaotic and abusive upbringing which included her father molesting her brother, domestic violence and her coping by becoming a rescuer.



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This is my first post here and having read the rules and guidelines, I'm afraid that it will be deleted and I will be banned. But I feel I must get this out there. I hope it is seen and I hope that it helps. I post this out of deep concern for those currently in danger.

While reading the surveys after the interview, Paul tried to reassure a survey writer (Trebeck, I believe it to be spelled) that the fact that her parents had not been understanding of her depression at 15 was actually a good thing. He said "But you wouldn't be able to help as many people who have felt that isolation. You would be less useful to people in pain and the universe if you hadn't felt that - that other thing." He wondered aloud if that was him being a "dicky silver lining guy". I'm afraid it's much worse than that.

Trebeck, you could have been just as useful to people in pain and the universe without your suffering. You absolutely could have. Your feelings of jealousy that your brother is receiving the care and support that was withheld from you are absolutely justified. Your parents could have given you the support you needed. Your situation might have been much better. And still - still! - you could have become just as useful to people in pain and the universe as you are now.

To anyone currently not receiving the care you deserve, reach out for help! You deserve it. You deserve it now. You should not try to endure it in the hope that enduring is the only way to be really useful to people in pain and the universe. That is not true.

To anyone currently not giving the care someone else deserves - especially those abusing others! - there is no justification for your behavior. None. You should also reach out for help. The damage you are doing cannot be justified. Thinking that you are creating someone who is really useful to people in pain and the universe is absolutely not true.

Paul, I cannot encourage you strongly enough to stop saying this sort of thing. It is very, very dangerous even if it is comforting to you and to others who have endured abuse.

There are many paths through life that lead to the same destination. There is nothing better about those that involved pain, neglect, abuse, or other suffering. You should be very proud that you have reached a destination where you are useful to people in pain and the universe no matter which path you took to get there.