YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Born mixed-race to a white prostitute mother and a black, pimp father, Nicole grew up belonging to one of the most notorious families in the Boston underworld. Having seen and experienced unimaginable things, she found an outlet in music and finally gained a sense of self until drugs and alcohol stepped in. She shares about her new path in healing the PTSD, staying sober and trying to realize her artistic dreams. She also touches on being a lesbian, having a nervous breakdown and a dogged belief in science which cracked open the door for her to reimagine a universe that might hold the love and positivity she has found essential to staying sane. Nicole performs under the name Blu Nyle.

Check her out on all social media @BluNyleGlobal or her speaking about the importance of opening up here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPpHrpj ... e=youtu.be

I thought the surveys in this episode were great and some were painful to hear. I had a hard time with the guest. She dropped so many names of bands, managers and crime families I got the feeling she was exaggerating a lot about herself and her level of success. I feel if she had been there she wouldn't have to convince us. Maybe I just wanted to believe she was exaggerrating because I don't want to believe the world could be so shitty to a person. But I didn't get the same vibe from so many other guests.

I also have a hard time believing she is in as good a place as she claims to be 14 days clean. The interview left a bad taste in my mouth. They won't all be awesome.

@Bill - It was clear within a few minutes how new Nicole is new to recovery. Honestly, I'd love to Paul to have her back in a few years to see how she's progressed. No doubt she's feeling on top of her game now, but with luck, she'll someday look back at now with the same view you and I are getting. Growth isn't easy and I like when those new to the path get a chance to share on the podcast.

I have a similar reaction as Bill. Some of my dissatisfaction with this and many recent episodes has been the fact that the guest is a performer, writer, etc. or an aspiring one. They often have something to sell or hope to generate Twitter followers and it seems only to their advantage to be on the show (and in some instances to make their stuff as sensational as possible)--rather than some brave risk. It's become rather OK and quite cool, it seems ,for writers and performers to talk about having mental health problems. I feel like quite a few of the interviews are with people who are on the podcast circuit and the feel is something like a regular talk show, albeit a little longer, with some more graphically "bad" stuff.

And the folks who have something to sell are those who have stepped out to be performers, and perhaps have built established careers. That puts them way ahead of me, and way ahead--as far as I can tell--of the people I read on this board and those whose surveys I hear on the show. The guests generally just don't seem quite part of the tribe of miserable bastards of which I consider myself a part. I find that what I like the best about the show, almost always, are the surveys. It is then that we hear from ordinary people struggling, in the moment, rather than creative types retrospecting about how bad stuff used to be. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but I don't necessarily find it helpful to hear from people who are terribly successful in their recoveries, so much so that they have a book or show they've done about their struggles. How about normal people doing normal work (or not able to work), who are plain, for whom it's really a risk to be on the show, who don't have a fucking website or or Amazon item we're encouraged to jump on. It's been a long time, but Paul used to do shows where he only read surveys, and riffed some, and was funny. And those were so relatable, and special. I'd suggest perhaps do one of those shows a week as well as an interview show, and that might also solve the problem with being able to segregate the content that is likely to trigger (?)

Yes, their pain is real, yes their stories are real, but things often feel a bit formulaic and show-bizzy. I can be rather a prick when I'm in the mood, and I'm concerned about what I've written here, because I know I'm in a fuck-bad mood. I worry that it's unfair, that it'll hurt Paul's feelings or bother other people. But... I've promised myself I'm going to send it and let the chips fall where they may. What do you all think?

Glock therapy - The early episodes of MentalPod were almost all performers. Later, it evolved into more regular people. I like both kinds of episodes myself. I totally get how your mood can impact your reaction. It can be useful, I think, to be triggered by something in an episode and examine why our reaction is so strong. I have the same thing happen in my support group where sometimes a person or their share will rub me all kinds of wrong. My reaction is about me.

Mixed reactions here...

Initially, I had the same reaction as Bill W. I thought Nicole was trying too hard to convince us of how far out her childhood was as well as everything she's experienced since. Then I heard the part where she mentions she's only 14 days clean, and I thought hmmm, that explains a lot... she's still stuck in her own narrative.

Honestly though, I'm okay with people being where they are in their own recovery or their journey in life. We're all at different places in life and that's okay and also part of what keeps this podcast interesting. And like Bigeekgirl, I think it'd be interesting to hear from Nicole in a few years to see where she's at in life then. She certainly has the raw intelligence to make some solid changes.

Glock--I've had many of the same feelings you expressed about many of the interviewees being in the biz and feeling it being sort of hip for them to do a tell-all podcast like this. I will always listen to every episode MIHH, but I have to admit that my personal list of favorite episodes is largely made up of "regular" folks. My favorite 2017 episodes include:

361 Military PTSD - Marc & Sonja
337 Anne from Berlin
356 Mary M. (non-verbal LD)
331 Rhonda Britten

My absolute #1 favorite episode of 2017 was 328 Charlie King (Paul's support group friend).

FWIW, I'm not sure how many average people are willing to do a podcast like this or how Paul would connect up with them or they with him. As horridly, crappily dysfunctional as my family of origin was/is, I'm not sure I'd be willing to throw them under the bus on a podcast, even if I was given a pseudonym and know my relatives would likely never hear it. It's a tough call.

Hi--Thanks for your responses . Right now I'm feeling like the sentiment and concern behind my post was something I'd stand by, but not unreservedly and definitely not nearly as acerbically. I appreciate what both of you have said, and have reflected a good bit.

BigGeekGirl -You're right on both your points. The earliest guests were performers and "regular people" came on board later. Even though I've gone back and listened to all the episodes, I guess I was only thinking of the period during which I've been a weekly listener. And recently especially I felt there'd been an especially high concentration of writers/performers and what felt like self-promotion--but even if there's a trend there's a bigger picture. As far as my reaction being about me, I know I'm really disappointed not to feel more securely "along in my recovery," and frustrated with my not having gone for it creatively or otherwise in my life. So, put one or especially both of those characteristics together in a guest and I'm ripe for envy. I'm sure that comes into this big time, because as I think of the guests overall and what they do/have done, I'm envious. (Trying really hard not to be ashamed about that as I write it. Not about feeling that, but allowing it to germinate). You made good points and I did reflect a lot on my reaction, which is always a good place to return to look at things. I'm curious about anything further you might wish to say about knowing what's your stuff and what's not in this type of situation. Kind of a big topic, but sounds like one you've focused on and come some way with, and so anything you care to share is appreciated.

NotReadyYet-thanks for hearing me, and for your thoughts. Your and my favorite episodes overlap significantly. Actual plain old listeners have been guests at times but you're right, who's going to want to get on a popular podcast that will exist in some form for a very long time online? I wouldn't!! And of people who do suffer with stuff, they're generally going to be up for the interview when they're doing relatively better . Paul has referred more than once to a guest having to postpone due to really struggling. So my wish for guests who match my state of mind when I'm feeling crappy is not very realistic. Also, things have gradually

All in all, I just wanted to pull back a bit on what I said and even moreso on the tone I used. If in fact it's a bit show-biz-chic at the moment to have MH issues, that can also be seen as a side effect of steps toward general acceptance. That's gone on for many marginalized groups and that whole trajectory is never a smooth one in the least. So yeah, maybe self-disclosure about MH is not the rare coin it once was, and perhaps it's even increasingly overdone... but even if that's true I don't need to shake my fist and curse it. It's more nuanced than that.

Aw shit... I just don't know what I think sometimes. Thanks for taking the trouble to read and respond.

Glock - I relate so much to what you so bravely shared. My career is a joke - the things I'm good at bring little pleasure - and my create life is not what I dreamed. If Nicole has really done what she's said she's done, well, damn, what's my excuse? As for security in recovery, last night in my group, one person called herself new to recovery and she's got a year, plus a couple years with a therapist. She also said something about the ruts of her former thinking being deep due to decades of thinking the old way. I'm five months in the group and look up to this person. I also look up to people in that room who've been in recovery for decades but they struggle, too.

As for your question about telling my stuff from what's not mine, if I have a strong emotional reaction, it's probably my stuff. 90% of the time. If I'm reacting intellectually, it might not be about me.

I came here to say most of what's been said already. I'm a long time listener, first time forum-joiner /commenter. I was so *triggered* by this woman, who was just so stuck in her own narrative, as another commenter said. At one point she compared her breakdown to Britney Spears' breakdown and I truly couldn't believe it - just such a warped view of herself - almost uncomfortably delusional. But, as the interview went on, it did become more and more clear how incredibly lost she is, and how she seems stuck at that peak lost stage when she actually believes her own junk the most. I wish she had mentioned she was 14 days sober earlier on - it may have changed my mood during the interview.

This was also one of the few episodes where I questioned a guest's honesty - Paul is so good at bringing out peoples' truths, and I can't really remember another ep where I thought "hey this person is straight up lying." But I'm still not sure I believe her story.

I was listening to the most recent episode yesterday and had a face-palm moment...

A couple snippets of the interview with Nicole Y. are in the current intro, and they got me thinking about her again.

"My father was a notorious pimp in Boston. It was kinda like 'Scarface.'"

Instead of hearing her as exaggerating, I thought, "Oh, crap. She's doing WHAT I USED TO DO. I wonder who invalidated her when she was growing up?"

My parents routinely invalidated my feelings and brushed off my concerns. When I truly NEEDED some care or concern from them, I felt I HAD to exaggerate the circumstances because they just wouldn't take me seriously otherwise.

I'm sorry I judged her a bit harshly before.