YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hey--sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I didn't actually forgive "her" - as the nasty personality disappeared, I considered "her" dead and gone and the lady I had in front of me was a clean slate. She was childlike, gentle and very loving when I was taking care of her by myself but she really blossomed when she went to live at the nursing home. They were very huggy there, lots of "I love you" and generally a happy atmosphere and mom really took to it. Because of the way I had grown up, I also didn't know how to hug, kiss or say "I love you" in anything but a superficial way, so it helped me too.

I never could have predicted all that would have happened, I guess we never really know how things can turn out. I learned a lot from her while she was sick (and I can change a mean adult diaper!) and although the way she went was sad, it really healed a lot of stuff for me.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize how nice it would be for my mom to die happy, even in dementia. It would ease so much guilt and bad feeling. I can only imagine you felt...set free.

You sound very strong. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to think about these things. Maybe my heart opened a bit.

I usually keep this video private, but I don't mind if people here look at it - this is her a little less than 2 years before she died. VERY short attention span, but in general agreeable and what the doctors call "pleasantly demented". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB9dhu5uFM0