Re: Dr. Zucker #1
Posted: May 5th, 2012, 10:42 pm
IvyFailure,
The gray area is what is so hard. Fitting the background of this is gray. I think what is important is our feelings. I think we can sort through our feelings without necessarily having to confront someone. Then we have the luxury of changing our perspective as we heal. Obviously saying these things on a public podcast about my mom, I wanted to tread carefully and present the facts. I don't want to call her anything I will regret. Even though I'm quite sure she will never hear it.
I do think we need to have compassion for our parents. I have a lot of compassion for my mother. I don't hate her, I'm not angry with her. One of my greatest wishes is for her to get the love she so desperately wants. But I can't give it to her, because she wants it in a package that makes me ill. For years I was furious at her. I"m not anymore. I can see her as the sick person she is. I've forgiven her, but I can't keep going back to a situation that hurts, and isn't going to change. Someday I might, but right now, I don't feel like it. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. You guys and Dr. Zucker and my wife have guided me there, and I will be forever grateful.
The lotion being applied by your mom creeps sounds so violating. There is no reason why a 12 year-old boy can't put lotion on his own penis. I think the question then becomes, how do we move forward knowing we will never know their intentions FOR SURE. That's the 64,000 dollar question. And that's where I am right now. But it is greatly comforting to hear people tell me, whether it can be called sexual abuse or not, it wasn't appropriate and I have a right to feel pain or discomfort about it. And lets remember we were children and they were adults.
The gray area is what is so hard. Fitting the background of this is gray. I think what is important is our feelings. I think we can sort through our feelings without necessarily having to confront someone. Then we have the luxury of changing our perspective as we heal. Obviously saying these things on a public podcast about my mom, I wanted to tread carefully and present the facts. I don't want to call her anything I will regret. Even though I'm quite sure she will never hear it.
I do think we need to have compassion for our parents. I have a lot of compassion for my mother. I don't hate her, I'm not angry with her. One of my greatest wishes is for her to get the love she so desperately wants. But I can't give it to her, because she wants it in a package that makes me ill. For years I was furious at her. I"m not anymore. I can see her as the sick person she is. I've forgiven her, but I can't keep going back to a situation that hurts, and isn't going to change. Someday I might, but right now, I don't feel like it. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. You guys and Dr. Zucker and my wife have guided me there, and I will be forever grateful.
The lotion being applied by your mom creeps sounds so violating. There is no reason why a 12 year-old boy can't put lotion on his own penis. I think the question then becomes, how do we move forward knowing we will never know their intentions FOR SURE. That's the 64,000 dollar question. And that's where I am right now. But it is greatly comforting to hear people tell me, whether it can be called sexual abuse or not, it wasn't appropriate and I have a right to feel pain or discomfort about it. And lets remember we were children and they were adults.