YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

The two Pauls
What a lovely natural discussion

When Paul G said
a girl with low self esteem that has been taking a lot of crap from a guy (paraphrase)

I thought

I don't want to be a girl like that!

It gave me strength & insight when I heard Paul G say that

It also helped to hear two guys talk about dating & relationships
being a jerk to your mate, etc


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And a little background
on a new & challenging difficulty in my life

In March
I entered into a relationship with a guy (we are the same age)
Discussed pretty much everything up front

to the point
that I trusted his word
let me guard down
and opened my
heart & began to love him

Long time since I had done that

Needless to say

He is not the man he portrayed himself to be
and
cannot face himself, his problems, get counseling, grow & mature
He may even be
what the Psych world
would call narcissistic

He has severe abuse his life
sexualized as a child
raped he has children from a stat. rape situation
He later was with at least two females who were underage
One he had a child with

He shared frequently with me that he was projecting a lie on FB
of a perfect life

Anyways

he has recently
moved on to a girl 13 years younger than him

He kept me hanging for months
I would ask him Qs and for clarification
His excuse was he was busy at work or focused on his youngest son

Well our relationship is over
Friendship is over too

He gave me very little insight into our relationship
And he said he never really thought about it

I believe I will be able to get over him and not love him any more

I am struggling more
with what my heart went through
I made him too important in my life
when he was not reciprocating

Going through this
-loving someone
mistreated and abused
and patiently loyal through it

It has messed my life up
more than it was before

On some levels
I am embarassed
that I would fall for a fool, a liar, an internet troll, a shallow man in denial
I feel incompetent to handle a relationship
I want my heart to mend and not harden
I want to see some positive things about this drawn out experience
In the process of "erasing" him from my heart and stuff
which feels like I am brainwashing my mind
Sought some counseling - which began this week

My friends say
At least I am not married to it

or I have been spared - I agree with that
He may have (unconsciously) released me

Though he dumped on me quite a bit

And seems to be showing his new girlfriend so much more in a week or two then the half year we were together

I could go on

But my point for bringing all this up

is to try to be transparent as Paul G & his friends have been

and to share how one sentence or thought from a podcast
helped!!!!!
as I rebuild, self confront and persevere

(not for broadcast but feel free male or female to reply)

You're out! Stay out. Let this person go. You now have lots of information about what you do NOT want in a relationship. Know that you deserve love and respect. Be thankful that this toxic person is now purged from your life. Counseling is an excellent start! You are at a beginning again, a fresh start. The possibilities are endless! I say this because I spent seven years in an abusive relationship. I eventually went on to find the man I have been with now for six years and he is the most wonderful partner and friend. It is possible for you too.

-Amber (a.k.a. Moon Unit)

Yes
People have said

"At least you are not married to him"

I am single again
which I was always cool with

I am ashamed
that the relationship
was not healthy

And I wonder which aspects I am responsible for (embarrassing!)

It was so weird

It was his pace

He silenced me for 6 months
And I am not a silent gal!

I like to confront & be confronted
I appreciate resolve

I go deep

Clearly, we are incompatible (He chose to be extremely shallow - happy smiley all the time, no thoughts of the problems or past)

Thanks for the kind words and advice

all of youz

And the counseling
will fall on me
Homework
self - examination
change

hopefully

change in areas

that are interpersonal

I am not super loving impressed or impressed with humans

Not a particularly joyful person

And those make sense to me

I suppose

snackninja wrote:let me guard down
and opened my
heart & began to love him

Long time since I had done that

Since he made it impossible to have a relationship with him, you were having a relationship with your perception of him. In THAT relationship, you displayed your intrinsic worth. The result is proof that you are worthy and you are not a fool - the real fool is someone who can never be vulnerable and honest and present and act with integrity.

Please take care! All wonderful things for you!

snackninja wrote: cannot face himself, his problems, get counseling, grow & mature
He may even be
what the Psych world
would call narcissistic

He has severe abuse his life
sexualized as a child
raped he has children from a stat. rape situation
He later was with at least two females who were underage
One he had a child with

I really think it was a good decision to leave this guy. It sounds like he's having inappropriate relationships with minors and that's a serious issue. At the very least he sounds like he wasn't going to be a very good boyfriend. So, no it's not too much to ask that he take a long hard look in a mirror and get whatever help he needs to deal with his personal problems. I think you'll be much better served by moving on with your life. He needs a wake-up call. Although it hurts deeply now, it won't hurt forever and it's better ultimately for both of you that it's over.