YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I totally related to RU talking about her fantasy life with Men. I had a similar fantasy life with the entire band of KISS. I was so miserable in gradeschool I had major fantasies that KISS would come to school and just take me away.

My later fantasies changed to other famous men.. including Sting..

I would write endless stories about our life together.

I wonder if it was because My father wasn't really present in my life and lived far away?

Needless to say.. my relationships have been few and far between. My recent relationship is the closest I have gotten to anything real.. and it has been basically a long distance relationship and we are trying to move in together but keep getting thwarted..

and all my fantasies have dried up.. and I realise that relationships are hard, not romantic, difficult and stressful...

I wanted to be a Romance writer.. but I don't think I can pull anything out at this moment I have gotten so cynical!

Yeah, my latest challenge is seeing how my grandiosity and my self-absorbed exceptionalism is leading me to unhealthy and unrealistic goals and my anxiety sees the certainty of failure and my depression makes me just give up. It is a whole way of thinking that leads me to just lie there worn out and practically dead, and it is very dangerous for me.

In one way it is good that I recognize the danger so I see I have to change, but it definitely is not fun.

Can I suggest playing around with ideas of becoming comfortable with failure? - the magic in life is in the trying not the assurance of succeeding. I think for me a more realistic and accepting relationship with failure will get me out of this dangerous rut. Then my anxiety will not be super-stimulated.

Please take care, all the best, we are cheering for you for your greatest today and tomorrow!

I didn't start fantasizing about men (famous men) "taking me away" until very recently, probably in the past five years. And I'm 29. I had no idea this was happening because I was depressed! But when I was growing up I would get lost in my own head all the time. I started wondering what it would be like to wake up in someone else's body and having long nights staying awake having these weird existential daydreams (they started when I was about 8).

I realized with RU's interview that this is a coping mechanism I have. I also used to fantasize that I would be famous one day, even though I don't have any particular talents that would allow this to happen. One time in high school we had to act out Romeo & Juliet for my English class. I was told I would be a great actress, but seeing as I had already identified as a nerd I decided not to pursue it. But it makes me realize why some very talented actors and entertainers are also pretty messed up. They have an ability (and a desire) to escape within their own head, and given a role to play makes it that much better.

Ugh, for me it wasn't somebody famous, it was a childhood fantasy that a sweet girl would take an interest in me even though I was a dark troubled nerd.

It is so ridiculous because that implies that I would go out and do the same for a shy awkward girl, but I was too hideously self-absorbed to want to be giving to another. I wanted to take take take and use use use. Bleh.

Now I am in a long term relationship with a little lady who can sometimes come on like R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket.

I would feel sorry for myself if I didn't know I need to improve myself, and that a kick in the ass is much less deadly to me than me coddling myself by letting myself sleep the days away month after month, year after year.

My life is the exact opposite of someone sweet coddling me, and I am grateful, because I am scared to death of what I become when I indulge in coddling.

Hmm, I am pretty sure I am off topic.

I've always felt like I had to choose between coddling myself and kicking my own ass. I'm trying to explore other ways of looking at the whole situation. It goes something like this.

I have a vague idea of how I want my life to be. I can check with trusted, smart, rigorously honest people to see if my desires are realistic.

I have a vague idea of what I can do to try to make those desires a reality. I can consult trusted, smart, rigorously honest people to add to those methods and to see if some of the ones I've been using are counterproductive.

It took an amazingly long time for me to decide to focus on what works and include the right people in that decision-making process. This is hard to say, but part of what kept me from doing that for so long was the fantasy that someone or something was going to rescue me. I can certainly understand all the pain people go through as they search for help with their mental/emotional/spiritual issues. This shit is hard. It hurts my heart to hear about all the struggles people have. I guess all I can say is that I'm rooting for you, and I'm grateful for all of the support I've received from others in this forum.