Episode 99, "Jess"

[marzipan]

I couldn't find any comments about this episode. Did the interview disturb anyone else? I would never define another survivor's experiences for them, so whatever has personally helped Jess to heal is valid. Also, she seems like a really nice and funny person. But the fact that she will be a therapist concerns me, for two reasons:

1. she believes that she bears some responsibility for her own molestation because she "wanted it". I'm glad that she acknowledged that it was the responsibility of her adult boyfriend to reject her advances, but still.

2. she says that her education has taught her that children can create memories "easily". While there have been some studies that have successfully planted false memories in test subjects, creating traumatic memories is very fucking different. One particular study tried to create a childhood memory about receiving an enema, and it failed. As with sexual abuse, no one would want to invent this memory, it being far more humiliating and traumatic than getting lost at the mall, or riding a hot air balloon, or whatever memories have been successfully planted. "False memory syndrome" was literally invented by abusers whose children spoke up.

It worries me that, because of her own experiences, she could unwittingly encourage self-blame in a client who's coming to terms with childhood abuse. I'm not assuming that she would, and I know that good therapists put aside their own shit when helping clients, but her beliefs still concern me. Survivors have a strong tendency to blame themselves, reject their own feelings, and make excuses for abusers. When you recover memories of sexual abuse, you want them to be invented. You want to believe that part of you was asking for it, or wanted it, because that means that your abuser (someone you trusted and/or relied on) was less to blame. But, at least early in the healing process (which I think was discussed in this show), you need to blame the fuck out of your abuser. You need to kick away all that self-blame in order to develop compassion for yourself. You also need to suspend your disbelief and trust what your body tells you and stop worrying about whether your memories are false. Your feelings are what matters.

Anyway, I guess this episode really triggered me, even though I didn't suffer sexual abuse as a child (as far as I know). Back to working my way through past episodes!