YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Thanks Paul and Michael for a great episode. I relate to the part about love addiction and the waiting for the text, the right text, back from that person you are in a relationship with. I pick emotionally unavailable women too. They are amazing in the beginning, and after a few months when you are "hooked" they back off--so confusing until you realize that they too have their own issues, that happen to mesh perfectly with yours at first, but then clash after you become close.

I love the part where Michael says "love me, love me" when trying to get his love interest to love him. We all just want to love and be loved. And how he thought "How can she not love me." I think both people in the relationship need to know exactly where each others triggers are, and where their vulnerabilities are, then make a special effort not to press those buttons.

I like how Michael talked about his bad breakup with that girlfriend. I've lived through something almost exactly like that. And Paul, you are right on the money when you say "I bet there are some people listening right now.." That would be me; however, I don't feel I blew the relationship, but I felt and experienced many, many of the things Michael stated (her not understanding his depression, and telling him he is too sensitive and to just get over it, even when she knew that that wasn't what you should say to someone who suffers from depression). I was like Michael in that I realized she had her own issues, which she couldn't realize, face, or deal with. I was also open to her about me. About the verbal abuse I received and witnessed others receive in my family growing up. I knew she has issues and I am pretty sure I know exactly what they are, but I am careful not to make her talk about them. I tried, but she resisted.

To get over my breakup, I too was in rage and "yelled" at her. Not so much yell, but I had mock conversations with her in my mind. I think I would actually be verbalizing some of my thoughts, and had to be careful that it didn't come out too loud for others to hear. This is how I dealt with getting over the breakup. My way of working through my feelings and hurt. At a later stage, I could understand my own issues and how they contributed to the relationship. We learn so much from failed relationships. I hope she learned some things too. I've had relationships where I knew the girl would figure it out later, but it would be too late for us. I just chalk it up to, timing. We prepare each other for someone else in the future (hopefully, if the process works as it is supposed to).

Michael is so genuine. He is wise beyond his years.

I'd like to contribute two links (if anyone wants to buy this book, do it from Pauls link so he gets credit). It's http://www.amazon.com/Addicted-Unhappin ... 0071433694 Now, I will say, I don't think ANYONE is addicted to unhappiness, but this book does make you think about how parents and those around us are affected later in life by the way our caregivers discipline us, and so forth. There is another link (http://ernietheattorney.net/addicted-to-unhappiness/ ) that expands on what I mean by my statement that nobody is addicted to unhappiness. I hope these links can provide some comfort to people.

Thanks for the Podcast.
InMyMind

I liked the comment Paul made about going out to buy clothes after having the same 9 tshirts and 1 pair of jeans for the last three years ... its similar to me.

Just wanted to commend Michael on his episode. My mother has used me inappropriately as a confidante also. While the facts of Michael's life and mine differ, the themes are very similar. And some things Michael said helped me get a handle on some stuff going on between me and my mother right now. Very helpful indeed -- thanks.

I've got this one on deck for listening to tonight after work....I suspect I'm the female version of the addict who chooses the unavailable men.

Oh my, what a great episode, there was so much I could relate to and Michael's insight into his stuff helps me see mine. Great job, Paul!

7/24/14
Just listened to this podcast and I want to start by saying I'm not one to join forums, post responses, etc. Your podcast episode was the reason why I signed up here. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story- it truly resonates with me. I've just graduated medical school and as a 'doctor,' I constantly struggle with the balance between intellectual reasoning and emotions when it comes to my family. I was never able to articulate my upbringing clearly and my past/ current struggles, now I can easily listen to your podcast before my next therapy session. Every word you're saying is almost exactly like my situation. Now the biggest problem I'm facing is my borderline personality mother and how she managed to completely tear our household apart- not even realizing it was her. She continues to be depressed and toxic- it's been so bad this past year, I was almost kicked out of medical school because board failures despite my strong academic record. My parents and three of my brothers were literally kicked out of our house by one of my brothers who was the financially responsible one for the whole household. He did this when I attempted suicide- which was really just a scare tactic to get my mother to leave me alone. My parents are leaving the country this week for good- they don't want to go but can't financially stay here. The pain I carry for my mother and family is real, heart wrenching and vivid. If you figure out a way to balance these things out, please reach out to me. The way your mom messed you up growing up is just like what I have experienced. So, thank you.