YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi All,

I've just finished listening to this weeks ep and I'm left with a weird feeling about it. I wanted to make sense of my thoughts about it so I thought where better than here.

I feel like I should preface my thoughts by saying I really like Paul. I know he can be really hard on himself and so this isn't intended to upset him or judge him in any way.

In general I thought this interview was poor. Paul jumped around a lot and interjected way more than usual even. I felt he came across quite judgemental about Anna's story and made a lot of assumptions. My main concern and the thing that left me feeling weird about this episode though was the discussion on porn/masturbation etc. I'm not a prude by any means and I think the topic is relevant particularly in relation to the impact of sex abuse however I think Paul didn't need to interject with his own experiences quite so much. I felt like I could tell from Anna that the detail made her uncomfortable and I'm not sure why Paul felt it was appropriate to take over the topic quite so much. Especially given this is a woman a lot younger etc.

I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else came away with the ick feeling from this?

I look forward to a new ep every week. Root for Paul, laugh at all his jokes and go fuck yourselves and I'm a bit sad that I feel this way after this ep.

Anyway any thoughts guys?

Thanks for your thoughts. I can't disagree. As I said in the outro, when I was editing it together I got a little creeped out by myself but wondered if I wasn't being too hard on myself. Thank you for being honest. I think I might edit some of that stuff out and re-release it. I'm feeling a bit foolish at the moment. I know that wasn't your intention. You phrased your feelings very diplomatically and with love and compassion. Most listeners do which helps me grow as an interviewer and to not dismiss them as malcontents.

Anyway, thank you for chiming in. This is a hard one to swallow but ultimately I think it will make for better shows in the future.

Hug,

Paul

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate that you took my comments in the spirit that they were intended. Even re-reading my own comment above I wasn't sure if I'd explained myself properly. I think I was more questioning my own reaction to that section of the episode rather than even saying it was for sure inappropriate if that makes sense.

Please don't feel foolish!

Your podcast has helped me so much, over the past few months in particular, as I am off work sick with depression and anxiety at the moment. The work that you do is important. You should be really proud of yourself that not only do you put out a consistently good podcast but that you are open to constructive feedback from well intended listeners (fans!) such as myself.

A million hugs to you too.

Thanks Paul.

I thought the same thing but Paul has said on his podcast multiple times that he struggles with sex, masturbation, porn, etc. I noticed Paul harped on that topic when Anna didn't really take the interview there on her own. I just figured that Paul was taking the opportunity to get Anna's perspective about issues Paul cares about. But I don't think Paul should edit it because:

1. It's Paul's podcast so he kinda does get to decide what's in it
2. I don't think Anna was creeped out
3. Anyone who listens to Paul should know he goes there
4. It's great radio. I loved when Paul asked if Anna was promiscuous (what drove that assumption, Paul?) and Anna flatly answered no.

Anna said she was a chronic liar. I wanted to know more about how that affected her life. Her examples were good ones but I hoped she would share more about how lies can snowball and how one day you wake up living in a reality constructed by lies that is taking so much energy to maintain and you don't know what's true anymore, and what that feels like, how to recover from that. If she felt that way. I felt that for Anna, the lying was a huge issue and it could've been the meat of the podcast.

I don't really feel the interview got uncomfortable.

I hate to sound like a sleazy defense lawyer, saying that Anna introduced the subject herself, I just think Paul did, what Paul does so well. Anna mentioned drugs and sex and when there were a pause in the conversation, he went back to both subjects and they had a reasonable conversation about it. I just think that this is part of the show, these things are painful and sometimes uncomfortable to talk about.

One of the things I love about the show is that Paul(despite being a jackass) is a pretty attentive listener and usually homes in on hidden gems, passed off casually or fleetingly. I mean, he kind of hit paydirt discovering the one-two combo: Kid gets abused, kid tells a caretaker and the caretaker calls the kid a liar. Also the part about feeling empty or shameful. I think Paul followed his intuition as an interviewer, went where he needed to go and was too hard on himself in editing.

I understand that it can be a little triggering, but this podcast deals with these taboos and despite the age difference, I thought it was an conversation between two adults and the conversation simply went there.

I don't think the interview got uncomfortable either.

Anna is one of the most open and comfortable guests I've heard on the podcast. I don't think Paul should edit that out and think that Anna would probably agree if asked.

It was refreshing to hear a guest talk so candidly about the suicide of someone close to her. That's such a difficult and painful experience, and Anna really dug into it and didn't hold back at all. I thank her and Paul for that. It was definitely helpful to hear that.

Yeah, I think the podcast is perfectly fine as it is. I'm not sure if it's the format of the show or what, but it only feels slightly like an interview and more like a conversation. Even if Paul has never met the guest before, the conversation always has the air of two friends who've always known each other. So, there will be interruptions all the time, I've never had any problem with that.

Paul I've been posting for weeks about this topic. Please try to lay off the sex, send the sex questions to Dan Savage he's the "sex guy". Or Sex Nerd Sandra, hey how about her? Sex is important but it does not factor in to EVERY interview. If the guest brings it up, that seems okay, but leading them into your specific and repeating questions is not serving the interviews. I realize you have history with being assaulted by the neighbor boy and your mom is weird but it's been talked about for close to 200 episodes in a row. I get it I really do it effects your life. Depression can be caused by other things.

I gather from listening that a large demographic you seem to get is women, and the recent #yesallwomen twitter thing is important and assault prevention and discussion is also important. Please don't think I'm advocating assault. It does come across in your interviews as a "Alright so who touched you to make you so fucked up." vibe in an increasing number of interviews. Look at your top interviews every year. 2013 5/7 of the top interviews are about mental health not related to sexual trauma. (Granted Maria Bamford did discuss it briefly but the bulk of the interview was bits from her CD: "Ask me bout my new God", and dealing with Bipolar 2).

Thoughts please...