Talking to my therapist about depression symptoms
Posted: August 1st, 2015, 12:54 pm
I was diagnosed with anxiety 9 months ago after spending almost 2 years too scared to tell anyone about my anxiety symptoms. Starting in the second year of that time I developped many depression symptoms, but I am (once again) too scared to tell anyone about it, even my therapist.
I can still feel happiness and hope in a way, but it's as if it's through a veil, meaning that it's almost a ghost of what the emotion should be. I can recognize that I should be excited or happy or hopeful about something, but I still feel numb. I barely have any motivation at all: I often can't drag myself off the couch or out of bed because I just feel so tired and so done with everything, like my entire body is made of lead. I can't make myself do homework or study for a test or look at schools for when I graduate high school this year even when my anxiety is screaming at me about all the things that will go wrong if I don't. I always feel like I'm on the verge of tears and I feel like everyone hates me and all I am is a bother and an annoyance and I'm constantly on the verge of tears. The only thing I do is over eat or watch tv and play video games because it's the only time where I feel okay, and that just makes me hate myself more.
But I still can't make myself tell my therapist. I'm scared I'm overexaggerating or just lazy or that, even if it I'm not, he'll think that I am. I don't know how to bring it up or how to explain it, and I'm scared that my performance anxiety will kick in and I'll start stuttering and not be able to get any words out. I just don't know what to do.
Anyways, sorry to bother you
I can still feel happiness and hope in a way, but it's as if it's through a veil, meaning that it's almost a ghost of what the emotion should be. I can recognize that I should be excited or happy or hopeful about something, but I still feel numb. I barely have any motivation at all: I often can't drag myself off the couch or out of bed because I just feel so tired and so done with everything, like my entire body is made of lead. I can't make myself do homework or study for a test or look at schools for when I graduate high school this year even when my anxiety is screaming at me about all the things that will go wrong if I don't. I always feel like I'm on the verge of tears and I feel like everyone hates me and all I am is a bother and an annoyance and I'm constantly on the verge of tears. The only thing I do is over eat or watch tv and play video games because it's the only time where I feel okay, and that just makes me hate myself more.
But I still can't make myself tell my therapist. I'm scared I'm overexaggerating or just lazy or that, even if it I'm not, he'll think that I am. I don't know how to bring it up or how to explain it, and I'm scared that my performance anxiety will kick in and I'll start stuttering and not be able to get any words out. I just don't know what to do.
Anyways, sorry to bother you