Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

I had a post here which I tried to edit but I deleted it because it just sounded like sheer exhaustion when I read it back.

[Beany Boo]

I got through this week by acknowledging some unconscious biases.

I have an unconscious tendency not to question authority.

I unconsciously overestimate the negative impact and underestimate the positive impact of my words and actions.

When the pressure goes on the ill effects of those biases get amplified.

I’m sure there are more I’m unaware of.

[manuel_moe_g]

This is an interesting exercise, Beany

I personally don’t think in terms of biases, I think in terms of pathologies

Hmm

One bias I have cultivated is not rocking the boat

I used to be so argumentative

Maybe an over-correction

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Today I crash. Mentally exhausted.

Nothing to say or do.

Rest. Recover.

[Mental Fairy]

Refuel with good nutrition and rest my friend

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

[Beany Boo]

Another day of hyperventilating. Or rather, breath-control exercises. The whole workday this time. It’s almost comical at this point. It’s unavoidable though; that or devolve into full blown panic, which I refuse to suffer. I refuse to quit either; my job that is.

Some interesting side effects too. I find myself being decidedly honest with people where I wasn’t before; wasn’t for fear of invoking conflict. No conflict though, if anything they seem to be disarmed or just accepting of my calm, honest communication.

The other effect is my mental state in the evenings and weekend is markedly more peaceful than normal. There’s something about responding in real time to adversity that means you don’t save it up for later; you’re anxiety that is.

So I am suffering but I’m also discovering things about my capacity.

[Beany Boo]

Sorry everyone,

I feel like my ordeal at the moment might be triggering for readers. I’m going to seek help offline. Hopefully it won’t last too long and I can report back once I have recovered.

Please take care

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Mr Beany-Boo. You are in a difficult place, no fault of your own. Breath is a powerful tool