Mindfulness

[rivergirl]

My anger often seems to be a secondary emotion to sadness. But the frustrating nature of life is as good a reason as any to seethe.

It seems that you found a middle way, Beany. Neither stoking the seething nor disavowing it and shaming yourself. Allowing equilibrium to return.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks rg

[Beany Boo]

I am aware of my own neediness today.

It feels good to be aware and not ashamed. I’m not sure how long the advantage will last. Trying to keep a hold of it seems particularly ironic.

Sitting with it is working. Whether I reach or don’t reach, the moment is not lost and, it didn’t belong to me anyway.

[rivergirl]

I was out at lunch today and heard someone at a nearby table say, "I'm such a needy kitten." I can relate.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks rg

[Beany Boo]

Something weird has started happening.

I’ve started speaking more easily to people.

I think it’s because I know they’re mostly not really listening to me anyway.

I have a lot of anxiety around being spoken at or ignored. Maybe something has clicked and it’s no longer necessary to carry that anxiety.

[Mental Fairy]

Oh now that is really interesting.

Best test is to say something really weird and see if you get a response. I did that to the neighbour the other day and yip sure enough she wasn’t listening!!! Haha

[Beany Boo]

That’s a good one MF. I will try it.

I can’t bear to secretly feel responsible for everything (that goes wrong), but I will try to speak from now on in a way that is less… of whatever that is.

[Mental Fairy]

I agree, there is a feeling of mental responsibility for events you blame on one’s self. Even through they are clearly not your own fault. Maybe it steams from childhood of being the one that gets told off or blamed for everything as we become the east target by the accusers.

It is very rare to come across a person who is fully invested in a conversation, who really opens their ears to your words. The only way you really know if when the person asks multiple questions in relation to the topic or shows facial expressions and eye contact. One thing I have noted with my boss is she can not hold eye contact and always looks anywhere but at me.

Being a visual person and when people tell me something I use images in my head in replacement of words to build the story. Im like that reading too. I go as far as to look up places, people, objects to help gain images I may not have correct. Visualisation is the only way I can really retain stories when people talk to me.

Good luck beany, see how this week pans out with your conversations.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF