Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Had enough sleep (stretching) and woke up okay.

Said my positive self talk phrases and felt human.

I don’t really understand where it’s coming from but of late there is this urge to ensure the evening is enjoyable; or at least complication free; or more or less mine. I am happy to comply with that urge. It’s begun to order the day a bit.

It also seems that if I feel good by midafternoon then the evening is more or less assured.

In order to feel good by then it looks like a few things need to happen. I need to navigate any coercive behavior (people ganging up on me, people ambushing me with entitled demands). And I need to listen to others, and myself, and validate experience.

The better I do those two things the better midafternoon seems to be when it comes. All other achievements are scenery more or less; or, support for those two.

The goal today is very much, to take my time while I work through anything.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well,

Again it was another gentle day.

Two in a row is so unfamiliar to me that I’m a little unsettled.

I’ll take it. I just don’t really have the language for it.

It’s midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

I woke up messily but okay

A few people said different things after midafternoon yesterday that disrupted my sleep. The new PTSD technique came to mind in that middle-of-night moment and worked to quiet some extreme feelings. That surprised me that it was effective.

I hand in my assignment today without much ado. It’s strange that my locus of control covers that event now, where I once felt crippling inadequacy.

I’m going to refocus on listening to vocal tone and body language (theirs and mine) and being generally, slightly less afraid than I’m used to.

My overall mood is as always ‘uncertainty’ but now it’s edging towards slight contentment.

[Mental Fairy]

What was the PTSD Technique beany?

[Beany Boo]

Today went conspicuously well.

I did listen to people although inconsistently. I was aware of specific things I was doing wrong, which is good.

Midafternoon blossomed softly.

I was even able to forgive myself for some mistakes I made yesterday. And I’m separating the improving state of my mental from the crappy state of the world; the two can be unrelated.

My study assignment went in like it was nothing.

I think this evening is going to be a good one.

PTSD study tonight just briefly. Then quietly celebrate the palpable progress that’s happening.

[Beany Boo]

What was the PTSD Technique beany?

It’s the CBT model of thoughts-feelings-behavior

But through the lens of that PTSD book I mentioned below.

Having practiced all week I let myself feel the feeling until the real thought I was thinking surfaced. That happened 3 times. Then I fell back to sleep.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay

Having slightly less anxiety than I am used to is enough to send me skipping down the sidewalk.

I stretched before bed and started on a new weekly PTSD exercise last night.

I feel like midafternoon is going to be good today. I am happy to put the rest of my life on hold and focus on getting today right if midafternoon promises to be good.

I’ll try for five acts of kindness and maybe to avoid just one of the listening ‘don’t s’. That will be all for goals today.

[Mental Fairy]

would love to know what you do for the five acts of kindness.

[Beany Boo]

would love to know what you do for the five acts of kindness.

I’m struggling to do one, deliberately at least.

Having the intention loaded though, I’m firing off random acts of kindness unwittingly. I also have to keep being kind to myself, to properly be kind to someone else at any moment.

Surprisingly, it’s not drawing on extra resources. I’m just very poised for action.

Perched even…

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I felt very lucid and the whole day seemed to have a rhythm which I usually have to wait until midafternoon to experience.

It’s given me some confidence I didn’t have before. It’s confidence to be less afraid. I’m still cautious about doing so.

I think it comes down to the daily PTSD study and an openness to listening; curiosity.

And practicing readiness; for whatever happens, in many little ways.

For today at least.