YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Thanks MM

Woke up well. My sleep cycle is starting to approach normal after not being for awhile.

I recovered well from the after-effects of yesterday.

It was the first time I consciously made no effort to invisible-ise my hurt feelings. I think that’s the reason I feel okay this morning.

Today will be good. There’s a more truthful message floating around after what happened.

Woke up well after being completely wiped. Still struggling to recover from the intensive, prolonged study period. It has only been a week, so…

There were a few early morning obstacles which I seemed to swerve awkwardly. There were no trumpets.

I think it might be a good, languorous day. I will let my brain rest and practice saying, ‘that’s enough for now’.

Woke up late and disoriented. Not in a bad way; just not hyper-vigilant.

As I was getting ready a thought started to form. ‘I do better when I’m not doing ‘do my best’’.

So today I’m just going to do my next.

That’s my new mantra: ‘do your next’.

Do your very next.

At least until midafternoon.

Today went okay.

I deliberately didn’t do my best. It felt liberating (up to a point). I also seemed to do more and better when I didn’t fixate on best-doing. I enjoyed it more, even mundane stuff.

Both my focus and my lettings go endured with less effort.

I still felt incapable of intimacy but also less at the mercy of the people around me. I felt less profoundly reliant on them.

I had a few moments during the day where I was comfortable with doing difficult or dangerous activities. Difficult or dangerous for me, is intimacy, listening and allowing for fear and optimism to coexist.

Anyway I made it to midafternoon, again.

Wishing you the very best, Beany

I am crawling out of the muck today

Thanks MM

Today was an odd one.

I did really well. I resolved some challenges that I had been persisting with for some time. I’m the only one who knows that I’ve been trying so hard about stuff.

I did not-my-best again today, and did better than my normal perfectionist self does, as a result.

I created an empty bowl and let it fill, figuratively speaking.

I had the sensation I like, of what I want being present everywhere but unclear.

I could be wrong but I think I might have helped someone today.

Feeling alive in a dangerous world.

Poor me.

Beany Boo wrote: ↑October 25th, 2023, 1:26 am Feeling alive in a dangerous world.

Poor me.

Please take care, Beany.

The world I live in piles more and more and more responsibilities on me, without any care about my limited ability to much during the day. And I can be fiercely attacked for dropping anything or leaving anything undone.

I am moving forward with self-compassion and giving myself grace, and keeping my work pace sustainable and humane. I know for the rest of my life there will be things done and things left un-done, day in and day out.

Thanks MM