Former addict med question

[Goingbacktobed]

I guess former addict doesn’t really apply. I will always be an addict in recovery.

I used to doctor shop and lie to get drugs. I’m back on anti depressants after several years of avoiding psychiatrists believing I could conquer mental illness without meds, and a feeling of shame, that I didn’t deserve help after a decade of lying to doctors.

The anti depressants are kind of helping but I feel I may need something for my ADD. I abused adderall for years and I’m terrified to even suggest my ADD is an issue for fear the doctor will think I’m pill seeking and, oh man, just thinking about it gives me terrible anxiety.

I guess my question is how do I go about treatment for ADD without feeling guilt and shame? Is it okay to express my concerns about my ADD interfering with my life? I’ve lost confidence in my ability to express my needs. Drug addiction blurs lines.

Thank you.

[manuel_moe_g]

You may need to psych yourself up with a mantra before you meet with doctor: "I am a worthy person, I deserve a fulfilling life". You will not believe the mantra at first, that is OK, you just "fake it until you make it" and act "as if" you are a worthy person deserving of a fulfilling life. Just say to yourself: "What would a person who believed they were worthy would do?" and do that thing.

I think it is a great idea to bring up the topic of ADD and your recovery to the doctor, and your fears. You deserve to be heard, your concerns are valid, your experience gives you expertise in your own situation, and you deserve the best help.

Do this make sense? Please use this forum as a resource. All the best.

[Goingbacktobed]

Yes. That makes sense. Thank you.

The addiction confused my reality. Now I wonder do u have no motivation and focus bc I’m longer abusing Adderall or am I struggling with ADD that is no longer being treated. For some time I allowed myself to believe ADD wasn’t real. That I only believed in it to score more Adderall. Friends also backed this idea up. I’ve spent the last year jobless, sleeping when the apathy and inability to motivate myself became too much, and having no drive to discover hobbies or interest. I believed I could meditate it away. My boyfriend overcame his OCD without meds and therefore thinks I ought to do the same. This reiterates, even more, the idea that I don’t truly need meds. I’m just drug seeking. I know in my heart I’m not. That meds did help me at one point.

Thank you for your help. I have no friends, barely speak to family as they trigger me, and have spent most of the week in bed with my cat.