YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm really very confused when it comes to medicine now. I was told three years ago by the pdoc and staff that I needed to stay on medicine. They really pounded it in my head. Now I have doctors that
say to get off all medicine. I'm reading several books right now, one is called "The Chemical Carousel", and it is really outstanding in detailing how some medicines really work well for addiction such as
prozac, etc. and then I'm reading another book at the same time called "When Panic Attacks" by a very prominent psychiatrist who is saying right at the beginning of the book, of how flawed the
drug company studies are, and how there is really no medicine that essentially works for depression or anxiety. I'm just as confused as I can be. I can honestly say that two times in my life I've really gone
off my rocker, and both times I was on Zoloft, and each time I was given zyprexa to bring me back down to reality. And then I read over and over again, of how people go nuts on these
anti-depressants, and then they are given a neurolyptic, and then they have to stay on the neurolyptic forever or they go psychotic. Who do you believe. Sometimes I think the GP I'm seeing and his
friends are really just angry at the drug companies for conceding to obamacare. I do know this, one time I tried to commit suicide, and they thought it was on diuretics. So they pumped me full of
liquid. And when I woke up my mind was more clear than it had ever been. I attribute it to the rapid detox of all chemicals out of my system.
So if I take medicine I hear it from my GP and his friends, that I'm basically stupid for doing so. But If I don't take the medicines, my wife thinks I'm going to flip out, and the pdoc gives me an
evil scowl.
Ughhhhh.

I really struggle with the meds thing. Never having been substance addicted I feel as alienated from the "in" crowd as the AA crowd. That is to say, I don't feel like I'm playing the game if I am not part of the 12 step philosophy or the meds philosophy. I have tried both. I appreciate what the 12 step process does for folks. But my journey is so steeped in being part of a fundamentalist christian church that "processes" and "groups" and "higher power" just send me into shell shock. Such is the case with meds. I was diagnosed as atypical depression and non-responsive when it comes to meds. I've been on 7 different ones with varying success. At best a few of them provided a ceasing my constant thinking for a while, but in all cases I just build up a tolerance, then hit the max dosage...then I might as well be taking a sugar pill. Along the way, some gave me terrible side effects most exacerbating the worst symptoms. So I don't think that meds are for everyone who are dealing with sever depression. I think that if you want your meds to work, or if you are used to pills or substances altering you, they will. Maybe the power of suggestion?

But I do know that for me the brain shocks going on them, being on them, and coming off them...were all to much.

So after having been there, for me I don't subscribe to the chemical imbalance that should be treated just like if I were diabetic theory. That is not to be judgemental of others experience. It's just mine. The worst of that is it still leaves me without a process that makes sense to me and provide levity. There is a book called "Your meds may be your problem". I forget the author...but I think, that in some cases, the book may have a point.

Again, if meds work for you...(not necessarily you "confused writer" but YOU as in the masses that are reading this...then
god bless!

Meds haven't worked for me either. Anti-depressants have triggered mania and persistant suicidal ideation in me. I had the opposite experience with dealing with depression and doctors, I was told I have to be on meds, depression is like diabetes, refusing to take meds is a symptom of my illness and have been diagnosed as either bipolar or borderline, it seems to depend on how much the psychiatrist likes or dilikes me. Drugs seem to work for some people, but I've seem a lot of people become worse on meds and then they need to change meds all the time and this is seen as why the need to be on meds. I think meds to help you sleep can be helpful. Not sleeping for days will make you crazy. But drugs aren't emotional support, drugs aren't people who accept you as you are and who give a damn. But then again, if your all agitated and upset, people don't want to be around you, the few that do are saints. For me, avoiding drugs/alcohol/pot/caffeine/sugar and eating better, eating more quality protein, and staying away from abusive people and consciously rejecting the negative bullshit mantra's in my head-this has helped me more than meds ever did.
I'm still fucked up and I'm ok with that, there's lots of fucked up people in the world. It does seem that more money you make, the more personality flaws you are allowed. You can be an aggressive lawyer, but the same character trait in a lackey is oppositional disorder. I work around rich people, and how they think they can treat people with less money is jaw dropping and they are completely oblivious to their own jack-assery.
I think my depression centered around oppression and being treated like crap by my employers, boyfriend and my family. Cracking up was my sanity trying to assert itself, my heart and mind saying "enough".
Meds didn't help me, the public mental health system didn't help. Living alone in the woods for a couple of months helped and finding a crazy therapist who didn't believe in labels and didn't treat me like I was an illness but a person with a story-this made all the difference for me.

My own experience with meds is underwhelming. I've used a variety of antidepressants over the last 20 years. They tend to either not work, or to stop working after 6-12 months. And they bring side-effects that are unacceptable, including significant weight gain and high blood pressure. I'm now using Ambien to sleep and have Ativan for anxiety, and - as someone who abused alcohol for decades - I'd just as soon stop using those...especially the Ativan, to which I seem to respond in much the same way as alcohol. seems rather like tempting fate.

My psychiatrist encourages me to take antidepressants, although he agrees (after reviewing my history at the last appointment) that they don't really do the job. He suggested Abilify, and after reviewing the literature I've decided not to even try it.

At this point, I'm trying to focus on therapy, and various meditation practices. I personally believe that most of my emotional problems stem from the way I think, and how I view myself. Until I can change those things, meds just aren't that useful. I appreciate the argument that the meds will help improve mood, which makes changing how you think easier - but it hasn't happened yet for me, and I've been waiting a long time.

If you want to read more on the topic, check out Anatomy of an Epidemic, by Robert Whitaker. Very thought provoking. You can find videos on YouTube where he speaks and outlines the basic elements of the story - which is that in spite of the burgeoning growth in the use of antidepressants and anti-psychotic medications, the number of people disabled by such conditions has grown dramatically. It does not inspire confidence in the pharma industry.

Good luck to you.