YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello everybody,

I'm very interested in hearing what has gone into your individual decisions to start investigating medications.

Some context: I've tried and disliked Wellbutrin and Celexa before, currently have a Clonazepam script and love it because of its situational nature: I can take it when and only when I need it and feel the effects right away. I'm experienced with and a fan of recreational drugs, so it could just be that I'm used to one kind of "drugging" or "feeling drugged" and used to dosing myself as needed.

I'm very, very hesitant to be "on something" all the time, and worry about irreversible effects to my personality. I also worry that my current self will be irretrievable -- this one is especially hard to express clearly because then I just think, "but your current self never truly exists as retrievable..." and I get lost in the semantics of rationality (which is much more comfortable than addressing my issues).

However, I'm starting to think, "Maybe I should be medicated," which is a huge admission to make even internally for someone as resistant to constant medication as I am. For those of you currently finding success with medication, what brought you around to meds as a part of the solution? I'd love to hear those accounts.

Thanks for sharing,

Juanita

jmh wrote:worry about irreversible effects to my personality. I also worry that my current self will be irretrievable

I went on meds to keep from killing myself, so I never had this worry

I went on Prozac years ago for postpartum depression. There wasn't much deliberation involved in that decision - I had twin newborns, a 3 year old, and I wasn't sleeping or eating. I had to do something to get better fast. I was also going to therapy, which I think is really important to do in addition to the meds. At least until you are "stabilized."

I was on the Prozac for about a year, went off right around 9/11/01. I figured if I got through that without meds I was fine.

Then about 4 years ago I started having constant chest pains, daily panic attacks and insomnia. After being totally checked out by my MD, he gave me Xanax and recommended therapy. I worked with the therapist for about a month and we talked a lot about whether to go on meds or not. Prozac kind of numbed me out and I didn't want that. But finally I was getting so depressed from taking Xanax every night to sleep that I decided to go on an antidepressant. I had to try a couple before I found the right cocktail of Lexapro and Klonopin (instead of Xanax). Once the Lexapro kicked in I weaned off the Klonopin. I went off Lexapro for about a year and a half and went back on last year. I honestly think part of my anxiety issues are hormonal - I'm 46 and not in menopause yet but I have just been kind of whacked out for the last few years. My OB/GYN said he has lots of patients my age with similar symptoms. My thyroid is normal and he said he could check my hormone levels but they are changing constantly so it probably wouldn't help.

Anyway I don't think the meds really change "who I am" - I think they just make me a mellower version of me. I like Lexapro better than Prozac because I still have a normal range of emotions - I get pissed, sad, happy, etc. When I was on Prozac I was just kind of coasting along in 2nd gear all the time.

This is all excellent info...I'm wondering if I might be a good candidate for medication (depression/anxiety) and what the first steps are to really looking into it. Could anyone please offer some advice?

I think the first step would be to see your regular doctor for a checkup, and explain to him/her how you are feeling. Then I would work with a psychiatrist to determine what meds to go on. I had a hard time with meds the second time around until I began working with a psychiatrist. They really have the expertise on how all these meds interact with each other, side effects etc. I would also recommend talk therapy, at least for a few sessions until your meds kick in and you feel like you are in a good place.

Ask your doctor about starting off on half doses in the beginning - that may help ease any side effects. Side effects can be a drag, especially with anxiety - I find that I often can't tell what's anxiety and what's the med. Sometimes it's best to just gut it out for a week or two and hope for the best. Also, sometimes the time of day you take an antidepressant makes a difference - I was dragging in the morning and revved up at night when I took Lexapro in the morning. Then a friend suggested I take it at night and that made a huge difference. I took it right before bed, and it helped my sleep and I had way more energy in the morning.

Regular exercise and healthy eating are an important part of the equation too.

Best of luck, and hope you are on your way to feeling better soon.

I just started on Prozac yesterday. So far, decent - I still feel crappy, but I'm told that I'll "feel worse before I feel better." I'm on half-doses for the moment. I'm also taking it at 8:00 in the morning, which seems to work out with my schedule.

The main reason my doc prescribed an anti-depressant rather than an anti-anxiety med was because Prozac has a strong effectiveness on eating disorder patients. We'll see how that goes...

All the best to you, and good luck, Karina, we are all cheering you on!

Thanks, everyone, for responding! I've never been part of a forum before, and so I was surprised at how many people were interested in my question.

I have been taking Klonopin for anxiety, which for me works well, the way you'd want a glass of wine to affect you, ideally. Helps me remember what just chilling out and not bringing my heightened emotions into the reaction arena feels like -- stepping back and making decisions deliberately, not reacting/lashing out from a place of heightened fear.

After I wrote the original post, sick of hitting my head against a wall when I sincerely WANT to feel like myself again, I went and talked to my prescribing doctor about an antidepressant. In the past, I've been highly resistant to constant medication for the reasons that nextyear debunked with some very sound logic.

Today, I took my first Celexa. Fingers crossed that, at this point, any change is good!

once anxiety and depression made my life unmanageable, I opted for pills.
My first doc sucked. Put me on Effexor.
spent three years wondering why it wasn't working, while feeling like absolute DEATH if I was unlucky enough to miss a day's dose.
eventually weaned myself off to see if i could live med-free.
that experiment was a resounding failure.
in a matter of months, i was spending three to four days in bed every week. my life once again became completely unmanagable and completely swallowed up by my mental problems.
the new clinic i go to is fantastic, and they put me on citalopram, which is working wonders.
i finally feel like i can controll this bullshit. it still rears it's head from time to time, as i suspect it always will, but I have the upper hand these days.
I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to be dependent on a pill to feel good, and I labored under that belief for years, myself.
eventually, my desire to be productive and spend time out of my bed outweighed any petty desire to 'do this on my own'.

I seriously put off meds for years. I really was against taking them and tried therapy at first, when I was 14 and first started feeling depressed. I wasn't really ready for therapy though, I think. I just kind of managed on my own but by the time I graduated high school I had tried prozac. I took it for a bit in college and later on switched to paxil. Neither really seemed that effective. Again, I got off meds and tried therapy. Finally my depression got so bad that I realized I needed to give meds a serious try and not just through my family doctor.

The thing that really sucks is that you want an instant cure and there's a lot of ups and downs and changing doses and whatnot. It can be really discouraging and makes my depression worse at times, feeling like I'll always be miserable, even on medication. I am slowly getting there, and so far I haven't had any side effects that are too bad (apart from one that gave me bad headaches so I got right off that).

I guess the only way that you can look at it is that you're making a commitment to yourself. You want to get better. And for me, I feel like one day I will be able to lower my dosage, but for now, I need a lifeline. As many as possible.

Good luck to you!