YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I've been on at least 10 different meds in the last 5 years and they've all been a disaster, with the exception of a generic extended-release generic Xanax that (usually) keeps the panic at bay.

After a year of going off meds (except the Xanax) I've tried two new anti-depressants in the last couple months. First one made me suicidal. This one makes me sleepy and hungry.

I'm really ready to throw in the towel on all this. The thing that kills me is that I bet in the next few decades science will figure this out, and I will have spent a lifetime in misery for seemingly no reason.

OK, rant done. Thanks for listening.

It's so frustrating, isn't it? I had to list the meds I've been on for my new doctor and realized I've been on so many I forgot some. He'd suggest something I hadn't listed and on hearing the name I'd remember that yeah, I did try that, I just forgot because the side effects were so bad I had to stop taking it before I committed its name to memory.

Similarly, my klonopin has been the only constant, the only thing that allowed me to leave the house for a while there. I've had the meds that made me suicidal, my will was written and my son was scheduled for a trip to my sister's house, the only thing that saved my life was deciding that there was no point in refilling my prescription since I'd be dead soon anyway.

All I can say is keep trying. I know it's frustrating and sometimes downright scary. But this is the one time when a little bit of "what if" thinking can be a good thing. What if the next one is the one that actually makes you feel better?

Maybe I just wrote that to reassure myself, but either way, thanks for sharing, that frustration is a bitch, I'm glad you vented it.

Yeah, there's nothing else to do but keep trying, right? The alternative is not...good. Just have to keep plugging away...maybe there's an answer out there somewhere.

ColemanSilk wrote:Yeah, there's nothing else to do but keep trying, right? The alternative is not...good. Just have to keep plugging away...maybe there's an answer out there somewhere.

That's the spirit! Hang in there. I've gone through dozens of meds and am still tweaking dosages and feeling some side effects, but my meds now are saving me.

Meds just do not work for some people. Some people have negative reactions. Although meds can be lifesavers for some people, they are not the panacea many make them out to be. In many cases they can extend the life of a disorder because people of side effects, and the fact that many take meds instead of therapy or support groups or working on themselves.

Recently, drug companies have pulled much of their research money out of medication because they have been forced to realize that most mental illness cannot be broken down to chemical imbalances.

PS - not anti drugs altogether....I take Adderall for ADHD. Without it I am jittery and unable to organize my thoughts.

But the way many psych drugs are used in our culture is thoroughly irresponsible and harmful in my opinion.