YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Dear all,

I am brand new to this board. I e-mailed Paul last night, reaching out to him about something unrelated, and he suggested I sign up for the board because it is a great community.

So, I recently have given my life-long anxiety credence by naming it and telling people, and myself, about it. I have been an anxious person ever since I can remember. I used to have severe attachment issues with my mother and had social anxiety as a child. Although my mother died many years ago, my social anxiety has stuck with me and I am now 26 years old. I recently went to a homeopathic doctor who listened to me, took note of my symptoms, and took my heart rate. She asked me if I was relaxed, and I felt I was, but my heart rate told another story entirely. She diagnosed me with moderate anxiety, mild depression, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. She gave me some herbs (Herbal Calm) to help with my anxiety, but I did not notice a difference and, therefore, did not buy more.

I recently went to my family doctor for a physical and told her about what the homeopath said. She (in a terribly cliched, uninterested-physician way) asked if I wanted to go down the medication route. I initially did not, (hence why I went to the homeopath) but am now open to trying. I told her one of my main concerns was gaining weight (which I am obsessed with - obsessive gym-goer) and I have read that the SSRI's that people take for anxiety tend to mess with people's weight. She recommended Citalopram and assured me its side effects were minimal and that I should do some research and get back to her with my decision. I, of course, found conflicting information about the side effects and as such, am back at square one.

I am not sure if I would benefit from medication or if it is even necessary. Since I have always been an anxious person, maybe this is just my general demeanour and I should just keep on managing it. To be clear, my anxiety is not acute - more like an ever-present heightened state of awareness, self-conciousness, and complete panic and avoidance at facing necessary and extremely important things. The latter is beginning to affect my grad school pursuits which, of course, creates more anxiety.

I would love people's advice, feedback, reflections on this - anything! Do you think I should try Citalopram? Have you ever been on it and noticed side effects? Do you feel I should try medication at all?

Hello lipstickandcallous,

Welcome to the forum. Glad to have you here, and me especially because we may not be so different from each other, at least in some ways. I, too, am an anxious person since I can remember. I am also a graduate student and understand the unique difficulties there, especially being an anxious person. We are about the same age (I just turned 27). I can in a small way relate to what you've shared about your mother. I developed insecure attachment and became an anxious person, perhaps because it is what I learned from my mother as she was and is the anxious type. I would not go to sleep unless she was in the room, both as a baby and into early childhood. As an older child and into my teen years, I would not go to sleep until she got home and preferably upstairs where I could here the comforting sound of her turning the pages of a newspaper. There are many more examples and the concept lingers even now into my 20s, albeit in very different ways.

I'm very sorry that you lost your mother so young. *hug*

I think you will find support here. I haven't been participating here for very long myself, but it helps to share feelings and have those feelings validated. It makes me feel a little less crazy and not so alone. It has helped me during some moments of particularly strong anxiety, when I can't sleep, as a distractor when I really need to stop going in anxiety spirals and of course as a way to procrastinate and avoid anxious situations.

Here is what I can say about meds and natural remedies from my own experience:

Herbal stuff- I'd love to say it helps but can't say it does - passionflower, valerian root, relora, melatonin, st. john's wort, etc. Maybe I haven't given it a fair chance, not sure. Some people swear by this stuff- maybe it works for some and not others or maybe it's nothing more than a placebo.
I've been supplementing my vitamin intake as well (again, not sure if it helps). All in all, this route is very expensive and I often wonder, for what?

I took celexa (citalopram) very recently for about 10 months. When I started taking it, I was a mess. Recent breakup, very down on myself and anxiety through the roof. I also cried for 2 weeks straight- literally just about every waking moment. That all stopped and I got back on track. Did it make any riveting changes to my life, no. Did it help me get out of a funk sooner than a may have otherwise? Perhaps.

About anxiety and celexa: I still had those moments of heart racing, sweating, short of breath and freaking out that terrible things were happening and I would never be okay. Maybe they were less frequent, I'm not sure. As far as the heightened state of arousal you describe so well, I kept living with it in its ever present state. For me that is the hardest thing to find relief from- the panic attacks and depression wax and wane. But I feel the baseline level of anxiety stays much the same regardless of what I do. I know that isn't what you want to hear. One medicine that does help with my general anxiety level is elavil. I take 25 mg at bedtime. It seems to take the edge off and it is a welcome relief to feel the anxiety level go down. I don't feel that the effects linger into the day so much, but it is nice to be slightly more able to relax at night.

My general advice would be to keep trying things until something works. I don't think anxiety is something we should have to "keep on managing". But that is what it feels like, I get it. I do believe that there must be ways to feel stronger than our anxieties and that maybe I'm still finding mine- and maybe you yours. I am trying yoga and meditation (although it is hard for me to stay motivated and disciplined so I can't report on those yet). I am considering asking my doctor about trying another medication, but feel very hesitant- so I understand why you do too.

Reading up on meds will always give mixed results. Some will say one thing and others the opposite. Some report effectiveness and some don't (although, those are usually the ones that don't get published). One thing to keep in mind about side effects is that you will find reports of every single thing that ever happened to anybody. This undoubtedly generates a very long and daunting list. But, you are unlikely to have any severe side effects- I tend to agree with your doc there. You mentioned your concern about weight gain. My experience with celexa is that I had no change. I am a small ish person and am conscientious about staying that way.

More than likely, nothing terrible will happen if you try a medication. I think your anxiety may be painting a far worse picture of the consequences of trying medicine than is realistic. My hope for you is that you are one of the people that celexa helps. I think the chance of getting relief from something makes it worth a try. If it doesn't help, then try something else and hopefully your doctor will help you through that process.

I find it is hard to remember what helps and what doesn't- in general. Unless I keep a record of it, I tend to see it as one negative, bad all the time jumble. So I am starting to do that.

I look forward to hearing from you again- I'll keep an eye on this thread. Please write with an update, more thoughts, anything. All of that is welcome here. Take care.

Hugs,
-serenity88