Eight years sober today.

[oak]

[Two caveats: (1) I say the following with 100% sincerity/0% irony, and (2) remember that sober guys are opinionated jerks.]

Eight years ago today I was drinking a 20 oz can of Budweiser* while watching a movie** with my buddy***.

Bringing it down from my mouth, I paused and considered the can for a moment. Setting the can down, I realized I was never going to drink again. I told my friend I was done drinking, and he said that was good.

Without sarcasm or irony, this experience was about as momentous and profound as deciding to maybe go to the grocery store tomorrow morning. It took no longer than it will take you to read this sentence.

I say none of this in a flip manner: alcohol plays for keeps: another friend died of alcoholism this year. (He is dead and I am alive, and I know it is not because I was the better man. This chills me, why I was chosen to live.)

While it is nice and good that I got sober, the main reason I am posting here is because there is hope.

True to the trope, I did every sober-guy thing since then: lost all my friends, got fired (twice), went broke, regularly didn't have enough to eat, was almost homeless, regularly dreamed I started drinking again****, craved sweets, got my senses back, started crying tears of joy at "little things", started a new job at the bottom, got promoted later, healed broken relationships.

I've had some pretty bad times since getting sober. As bad of times as I've ever experienced, and worse. I've not found a reason to drink. While I don't want to die, when death comes I intend to look it right in the eye, sober. If I have to go out, I'm going out sober.

People get sober every day. If you'd ever met me you wouldn't find me anything special or smart or anything. If I can get and stay sober, so can you. So can your loved one.




Footnotes

* I can say, also without irony, the only two beers I didn't enjoy were my first and last.

** Resevior Dogs.

*** We aren't friends anymore. I had plenty of friends when I was broke and drunk. Now that I am sober and on my way, I've had to find new friends.

**** Strangely, I didn't condemn myself in these dreams. "Time to start counting the days from zero again" I'd tell myself, without judgment.

Bonus story:

Six weeks after stopping drinking I was hired to administer a fraternity house at the number 1 party school in America*.

Let me tell you, that will make anyone appreciate good, clean living.

Representative story, of me a totally unaffected sober guy:

One Saturday evening I was eating saltine crackers and watching "Intervention".

One of the young men** in the fraternity walked in the front door (which was just outside my bedroom door) and caused a ruckus. I came out to investigate, and two steps inside the house he vomited. Then, as if nothing happened, he immediately walked back out. I finished eating my cracker, as I took it all in. (A sober response, if I may toot my own horn.)



* You can't make this up. If God exists, God has a delightful sense of humor and whimsy.

**He was a really nice guy. He cleaned up the vomit and apologized later. A very sweet person, his indoor/outdoor vomiting choices aside.

[Imissmysun]

Oak you are amazing

That is a truly triumphant and defining moment

Your strength and dedication to self care is admirable.

I also just wanted to take a moment to be in awe of your accomplishment because it is the very definition of AWE-some.

Thank you for sharing, and it looks like a lot of lurkers had benefits from your words even if they didn't post so

[oak]

Thank you thank you Imissmysun.

I am humbled by your kind words, and though I struggle to accept them, I will.

I am humbled, also, by the fact that a dear friend of mine died of alcoholism this year. Being sober is a wonderful gift. What chills me is that I know I didn't get sober and he died because I was the better man. Why me and not him? It is so difficult.

Some things are just so hard in life, so difficult.

(Difficult as it is to square that circle, I do not find that reason enough to drink.)

I don't want to take the gift of sobriety lightly, though most days I do, even though I don't mean to.

It is important for me to use my words here. Thanks for your encouragement, Imissmysun!

[greenlady91]

thank you so much for sharing. I am also in awe.
cheers to you!
& thank you for helping me stay sober today. (3 months)

[oak]

Hey!

I am glad my humble story has proven helpful.

Your being three months sober is really great. You are in for a real treat as the months accumulate.

You keep doing what you're doing.

[oak]

8.25 years in four days.

Frequently I am sad, lonely, and tired. I frequently have a difficult time at work, and I am ashamed to say I've not had a girlfriend in nine years. I am really sorry to say that, but it is the truth.

I've tried, and come up short, to improve my habits with eating, exercise, and finances. I've endured a series of romantic and professional disappointments since the first post here.

None of these disappointments proved to be reason to drink. Each may be a reason for anyone to drink, but I didn't find them a reason to drink.

I say this not to praise my awesome not-drinking skills (as you can see, I am not a man of much pride) or for sympathy (things aren't all bad).

I say this very much to demonstrate that there is reason for hope. Even if things are bad, really sad, one need not drink.

People get sober every day. Today could be the day for you, or your loved one.

[HowDidIGetHere]

Thanks for posting this, oak. One of the things I appreciate most about being in recovery (when I was actually in recovery, that is) is that I now have a store of wise words in my head for almost every occasion. Your post reminded me of something I heard early on:

"First it gets better. Then it gets worse. Then it gets different. Then it gets real."

I was always a bit of a cynic when it came to sobriety though. I was always fond of telling people, "I didn't get sober because I thought it would be great. I got sober because I knew life was going to be hard and I wouldn't be able to deal with it if I was drunk."

I don't know if this will help you as much as it did me, but here's a podcast that I found helpful (at least in terms of showing me how long this work really does take):

http://podcast.againstthestream.org/153 ... o-practice

[oak]

@How: Thank you! I appreciate your post, and thanks for the podcast suggestion. I'll check it out.

I wonder if we were separated at birth: oh how I relate with your reasoning for stopping drinking. That is pure gold.

I was so tired when I wrote that, last night. Both exhausted from a long day, and exhausted from life.

[HowDidIGetHere]

I think people really can underestimate how exhausting just existing can be, especially for people in recovery. I mean, if you think about how much energy recovering people have to dedicate to questioning every habit, every thought, every everything—sheesh.

Of course, being a total hypocrite, I'm only speaking from memory rather than current experience, but still...

[oak]

My life is very difficult at times, and at nearly 8.5 years sober, I've not found a reason to drink, yet.

I am posting, here, to celebrate ten years ago today I walked into my first support group: a Debtors Anonymous meeting on Monument Avenue in Richmond, VA.

I was super nervous to walk in, but rarely have I felt such love, acceptance, and worthiness as I did from those wonderful people. I didn't have much going for me, and I didn't have many smart plans or ideas. But these people, they were smart and caring. They didn't know me, but they loved me. And I remember the laughter. They were a happy bunch.

In a few years (well, it took seven years), I got smarter and back on my feet. I'll always love those Debtors Anonymous people, with their ESH, Pressure Relief Groups, Tools, and Promises.

http://www.njpada.org/12PromisesofDA-revised-2013.pdf

I remember buying the Currency of Hope, tracking my first expenses, and cutting up my credit cards that night.

I say all this, not only to honor the people who went of their way to care for me, but to demonstrate that even when things get bad, and my situation was real bad, there is hope.