YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have a hard time with "reality". I felt lonely last night & reached out to someone living thousands of miles from me that I used to know. Our relationship is a pure fantasy high. Knowing that information intellectually & feeling it emotionally are different. Relationships with humans are not my thing & I'm afraid of harming myself & others. Thanks for giving me a place to put this fear.

Thank you for sharing!

Thank you oak.

I just need to get through this moment. Thank goodness for this place. My family is triggering me.

Negative thoughts I'm having right now:

1) I'm a shit aunt.
2) I'm a shit person.
3) I'm selfish.
4) I use mental illness as an excuse.
5) As an adult, I should be able to advocate for myself easily.
6) There's no real reason for me to behave this way.
7) I should be better.
8) I'm hurting others.
9) There's nothing really wrong with me.
10) I'm self-centered.

I hate negative thoughts. I've had all those thoughts before. You know of course none of them are true but they sure feel true don't they? Keep hanging in there hobo.

Thank you for posting bb.

I've been shutting down. (I think) due to an overwhelming environment. I practice self-care when I'm able. The situation is giving me an opportunity to move imperfectly through my triggers. Leaning hard into fantasy as a coping mechanism. It's complicated. Or that's what I tell myself.

Hobo,
You're definitely not alone. I've been using fantasy in this way off and on since I was very young. I remember Paul or someone on the show talking about how it's like a form of substance abuse but you can manufacture the substance in your own brain. Please be kind to yourself right now.

rg

Thank you rivergirl.

I'm feeling triggered by my family. But I didn't cause it. I can't control it. & I can't cure it. On the plus side, I am feeling self-compassion. No wonder I'm crazy. It would be crazy if I wasn't crazy.

I made an appointment to see a care provider. It was difficult & I cried after an interminable phone conversation that was probably all of two minutes. I hate phones. The care provider can't see me till October, but in the meantime I will be able to get my meds refilled...once I make another phone call to my old shrink's office.

I aim for better self-care, I accept I cannot solve all problems, & I embrace humor as healthy.

I'm glad you're feeling self-compassion and that you took the step to get your medications refilled. Keeping taking care of yourself, Hobojungle. You deserve it.

Hobo,
I know those phone calls are rough, but it's great to see you taking a step towards taking care of yourself.

Thank you for the support rg & bb!

Just made the call for my old shrink to fax records to my new provider. A next step would be getting my insurance card. Things are relatively better. Situations have evolved into tolerability for now, although my girl cat hasn't been seen the past few days & that worries me.

Still in touch with a fantasy human. He lives 3k miles away, so it's easy to invent a life that includes him without knowing who he really is.