YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I've been prescribed Percocet before, and everytime I take them all when I don't need them. When my wife has been prescribed them, I've taken some of hers when she stopped taking them and had left-overs. When I run out, I usually take Excedrin on a daily basis; today for instance, I took 8 pills which had 250mg Acetaminophen, 250mg Aspirin, and 65mg caffine. If I can, I'll take them with caffine pills or an energy drink to make the effect stronger.

Weird thing is, I'm not even sure why I take them. I don't usually feel better or even different, and often times I'll feel shaky or woozy. I also cut myself on occasion (though if I could do it secretly, I'd do it more often) so maybe it's part of the same problem...

Talking about it is the first step. I am sure there must be some affect, yet you not realize it somehow.

My sister had a severe addiction to Vicodin and somehow got a few doctors enabling her. I can tell you from her experience, it only progresses.

I hope you get help with this and thank you for sharing.

Artmart wrote:I am sure there must be some affect, yet you not realize it somehow.

I've thought about that before and try to analyze how I feel when I'm on them. The best I can think of is that I have some minor aches and such that are always with me, and taking the pills makes me feel better. Honestly though, I think it's just me chasing how I feel when I'm on the prescription pain meds.

I think it would be helpful here to define what addiction is is see if it applies. Addiction is a psychological dependence, with compulsive drug seeking, loss of control, not using drugs for pain, and continued drug use despite known harm. I'm not sure you really qualify as an addict except that the Excedrin has a high risk of causing gastrointestinal ulcer and bleeding, and if you know that you still take them knowing they may cause harm. This might seem wierd but it feels like there is something there you are trying to self medicate, but you're not an addict. You might be chasing an effect, as you suggest, but there is absolutely no relation between the effect of oxycodone and Excedrin. Acetaminophen (central analgesic) and aspirin (NSAID) are non-narcotic. When you add the caffiene you are even going in the opposite direction. I think I would explore the idea with a therapist that there was a desire to be addicted to something and find out why. Good luck!

Thanks Geek. I'm with you that it's probably not a physical addiction, but mentally I feel like I need them.

How have you been doing with this?

My addiction to opaites started out very similarly to yours, taking vicodin here and there when they crossed my path. They gave me energy and made me feel outgoing, sort of like one would expect with speed, not with opiates. Bit this is a very common reaction for some. What I can tell you is that if you don't get a grip on this immediately it can (and likely will) progress.

For me it progressed to a full blown daily intravenous addiction that led to badness.

I used in order to fill a void that I felt in my life. With your history of cutting and pills, I wonder if you perhaps feel the same sort of void. Even if you don't necessarilly fit the diagnosis for "addiction" at this point, abusing opiates, abusing excedrin and cutting are all suggestive of a deeper issue.

My philosophy is that addiction isn't so much of a primary illness or "disease" as it is a symptom of something deeper. That deeper issue may be depression, PTSD, anxiety, past abuse, whatever. If you were my client I would work with you to try and figure out what your deeper issue is and we would work on fixing that problem. When you do that, your temptation to abuse drugs and cut will start to diminish.

Whatever you do, #1 stop abusing excedrin, acetominophen is terrible for your liver...the very thing that metabolizes the opiates and cleans your blood of other toxins. Acetominophen overdose is a very serious thing and it's a painful way to die. too much aspirin can inhibit platelet aggregation, causing bleeding, ulcers, etc. And caffiene is a stimulant and it sounds like you have come close to overdosing on this already. #2 See a psychiatrist about your cutting and tell him/her about your opiate and excedrin abuse as well. He/She will help you to figure things out. If you are still jsut abusing the pills once in a while, you have time before opiate addiction takes hold but I can tell you from personal experience, getting past opiate addiction sucks! Best just not to go there in the first place.

Good luck.

Honestly, not much has changed (which tends to be my MO…). I usually suck down 6 of those pills per day during the week. I’m not too concerned about it leading to greater addictions though as that would require me actually actively seeking illegal drugs out which is just too much effort for me. We can’t all have celebrity doctors . I certainly do feel a void in my life and I may post more in detail about it at some point as it’s pretty heavy and complicated, but I never feel like I’m even close to fulfilled (even falsely) by the pills.

After reading your post yesterday, I realized I really do need to stop though. I never knew about the liver damage so thanks for that! I can imagine ODing on this stuff would not be fun just from the mild effects I felt before, kinda scary to think how close I may have been…

Thanks for all your kind advice bmadccp, I know I need help and I’ve known for a while. I just feel like I’m stuck in a catch22 where I’m just immobilized. To make matters worse, the people one would normally turn to for support and pressure either don’t help or don’t want to. I honestly don’t know why it’s so hard to just pick up the phone…

bmadccp,

Just to let you know, since I responded to your post I've not taken anymore pills. Here's hoping I'm able to keep it up. Thanks again for the kind words!

-EL

Thanks for your nice information.