YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm fairly new here but discovered the podcast about a month ago and I absolutely love it. I'm dealing with a lot of issues with my family and waking up the fact that my lifelong depression stems from physical/mental abuse as a child.

I have a severe porn addiction. I've spent up to 10 hours or full days off and on with porn/masturbating. On average I was using about 3 times outside of having mediocre sex with my wife a few times/week. I'm trying to recover from this but I can't seem to shake it.

I don't know why I'm posting this but I've had a bad day of relapsing (it's been maybe a day since my last use) and it's causing me to freak out about my life. I don't feel like I'm ever going to recover and it's going to be the end of me.

I use at work, in the car, in the bathroom of ANY home I visit...pretty much anywhere. I feel pathetic and dirty.

I'm sorry if this rant is annoying and I don't even know what I'm asking, but thank you for reading.

I feel for you.

Try to be less hard on yourself, you are a person who need help.

I don't know if you still lurk here or not, but just read your post. I too am a sex addict. I go to support groups for it and that helps a lot. Have you looked into that sort of thing? Do you see a therapist for it? Anyway, just know you are being thought of and I hope you get some relief.

I am there with you, my porn addiction ruined my view of women and almost destroyed my marriage. I wish you the best and hope you find the help you need.

How did it ruin your view of women?

It made me feel as though they were just there to be used, to be played with. I know that is not the case but I feel that most porn, not all, portrays women as such.

I'm struggling with porn right now. I know that feeling when you realize something is affecting you negatively, but you just can't seem to quit it. Cam models are my specific addiction of choice. I don't know why I can't just STOP. Maybe it's my loneliness and depression, or a release for my anxiety, but either way it's costing me money and it makes me feel gross. I feel your pain and I'm wishing you all the best.

I too struggle with sex addiction.

It's one of my unhealthy ways of coping with the emptiness inside. I used to view porn and masturbate excessively in my 20's.
Fortunately, in my 30's the frequency has been reduced drastically.

I've been trying to quit porn and masturbation for a long while now but it's so hard. The longest I've abstained was a month.

I also frequent the services of prostitutes. Not just for the sex, but mainly for female companionship to alleviate my emotional scars.

Although I'm not blowing all my money on prostitutes, I spend a considerable amount of my budget on them. I could have use that money other things, or
just save it for a rainy day.

Hi

I can relate to this one so much I feel like I could have written it myself. I have calmed down from a dizzying, sweaty self-hating state. What brought it on was a three-hour binge of masturbating to web cam porn. Because of the Sertraline I take it can take a long time to climax. Today I could not climax at all. I sweated bullets and left a massive pool of sweat and stink on my couch. But no orgasm, no relief even though I know it would be temporary.

To put things in an even more embarrassing perspective I turn 47 years old this month and I am still jerking off to porn like I am still a teenager. I know that I have a problem. There is a support group that I have mulled over attending but I don't know if I could do it. I don't want to speak to anyone about it. I don't want to communicate or be seen.

Elmer68
P.S. I did an interview with Paul in January but he has not aired it yet, in which I spoke about this stuff