The more I want to stop drinking the more I want to drink

[Wren]

I guess that's the sign of an addiction.
I knew I had a problem with alcohol in my twenties. I mean, it was pretty obvious to everyone around me too. But I'm in my 30s now and live in a college/music town and everyone here drinks. My husband drinks. I know he used to have a harder time with it too but we're at about the same pace these days.
And I know I'm using booze and pot to self medicate. And these days the thought of giving them up forever is almost like torture.

And my husband doesn't want to quit. He'd like to cut back but he's already said he doesn't ever want to stop drinking completely. I don't want to make him but on nights where I'm forcing myself to stay sober when I don't want to and he's sitting there having a beer it kills me. I resent him and I get snippy and weird. It's easier just to have a shot a chill out.
But the booze isn't making anything any better. And the pot is only making my anxiety worse. And even though I feel less soothed by them I feel more fiercely drawn to them. And these days I've been really hankering for other things. Like these things are doing the job so maybe I should up the ante and throw in some pills. I know that's the opposite direction of where I SHOULD go but it's the only direction I FEEL like going. It's tough.

[manuel_moe_g]

I know that's the opposite direction of where I SHOULD go but it's the only direction I FEEL like going. It's tough.

If it wasn't tough, you would have done it and be finished with it already. Please be forgiving to yourself during your challenging time as you try to make a change for the better. You deserve self-love. All the best to you, cheers, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.