YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

My preferred combo for many years now. It tended to be more weed for quite a while, and the occasional drunken Friday/Saturday night. These past couple months I've been drinking almost every night. It's hard to picture myself not getting drunk. I know looking at the 'big picture' when you're in the midst of an addiction doesn't help. It feels like I'm trying to justify continuing to use... it doesn't help most of my friends partake. I don't think anyone I know really understands the depth of my addiction though. ... I don't know. I'm actually pretty drunk right now.

Alcohol is so socially accepted, how do you deal with being around it so much when you're a recovering addict?

Zombie,

Alcohol and weed were my thing. I got sober a couple of years ago. I couldn't give it up and had to go to AA. Didn't want to. Thought it was going to be boring like church, but its totally different. I had to take a break from going out with my usual friends and hang out with AA people for a while until the obsession to drink & use went away. I can go to bars with my friends now, but I get bored after about an hour or so. Unless there's a good game on tv.
I pretty much only go to same-sex AA meetings. The recovery is better. More honesty more laughter. Like a clubhouse.

Napping Champion

Thanks for the response NC. I've been trying to curb my behaviour, to some effect. I went to an open AA meeting two weeks ago, and there was over 100 people there. It kind of freaked me out and I left. I've been trying to muster up the courage to go back. It seemed like a very supportive environment, but I'd rather be in a smaller group. I'm sure there's something available, but I just need to get out there and try it.

Yes, it may take a few meetings to find the right one. It is best to go to a beginner's meeting if you can. People there are just like you, looking for help and they do not want a thing from you. That is what I kept waiting for, is someone to want something.

You can call their number in your area and discuss this and I am sure you will get someone on the line that will help you out with a smaller meeting. Good luck and keep trying.

Addiction is addiction is addiction..

I used to go nuts because I didn't feel I identified with alcoholics when I first started going to AA, in fact I mostly found myself going to NA meetings. But over time, a lot of time filters started setting in and I can go to almost any fellowship that deals with addictions of some sort and I can hear what I need and equally express what I need. As I should since when I look back I have learned my addiction(s) are only a symptom of a greater problem (sorry didn't mean to paraphrase the big book there but it's one of the few lines in the big book of AA that I agree with).

My addictions span from legal substances, illegal substances, food and self injury (as well as a few more I am sure) For me it has been a matter of putting things in their proper perspective.

As for going to meetings and not freaking out, I was very lucky, always having had horrible social phobias i could barely sit through a meeting at first without getting up and moving about or getting some air and a moment of privacy. I quite literally had the best treatment money could buy, rehabs of the rich and famous you might say. I don't discount any treatment but I will say the program I went through made an extra effort to introduce me to the proper meetings where I felt included and identified, and did so until I was able to do the same for myself. Even after many years and MANY hurdles I can honestly say there are still meeting that freak the hell out of me, and this is after 12 years of being clean and sober from drugs and alcohol..

It comes with time, be kind to yourself, halving no expectations on anyone including myself helps..

r..

zombie,
My first piece of advice would be to find new friends. You will probably never quit until you decide that you don't want that in your
life anymore. Having a bunch of friends getting drunk in front of you is not going to help.

Wow, this is weird to be looking back on. After that post, things got much worse for me. I continued drinking and smoking pot, but this past January I added cocaine to the mix. It was a steep decline. I bought a couple grams with some friends on New Years Eve and made contact with a dealer. From that point forth, I used at least a gram almost daily for four months. Near the end I isolated myself completely. I stopped talking to friends and family, stopped answering phone calls, texts, emails. I stopped going to work. I was completely consumed by my addiction. I wanted to die. I wrote a note. I made a plan. I just wanted to take a few more days to get high.

I am so grateful that my brother nearly kicked my door in one morning. My family surrounded me with their support and I went into a treatment centre two months later (it took a while to get in). I just got back Wednesday after 35 days. In that short time, with the help of my peers and an amazing staff, I came back to life. I did a lot of work, and I need to keep working every day going forward, but I am finally ok with myself. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am early in my recovery, but I have hope now. I can see a new way to live, and I'm doing everything I can to find it and keep it.

NA/AA are keeping me sane. Right now I'm attending meetings daily. I am still battling my old behaviours and some days are better than others, but I want to live today.

zombie wrote:In that short time, with the help of my peers and an amazing staff, I came back to life. I did a lot of work, and I need to keep working every day going forward, but I am finally ok with myself. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am early in my recovery, but I have hope now. I can see a new way to live, and I'm doing everything I can to find it and keep it.

That's awesome. I'm so happy for you. And for me and everybody else here. Maybe there's hope. Good luck to you.

Thank you. Tomorrow I'll be two months clean. There's hope for everyone if you just put out your hand and ask for help.