YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

1. Replace chocolate and candy with blackberries and black plums. Also I boxed up and stored my microwave

2. If I feel like a burden, I let me feel and lean into it. Otherwise no one can ever take my weight

3. Breathing out on purpose through pursed lips at the first sign of anxiety, until I forget I’m doing it

4. Let myself feel revolted by people; even ones I like. It creates comfortable distance

5. Stop self-improving and just stay me in all my awkward, ugly uncertainty. I can’t be curious in any other state

6. Let the worst thing happen; let it be coming at me and by doing so have room for a fresh, profound response to it

7. Spend my time when I’m alone, physically not holding my tongue. My tongue, or the potential thoughts, that holding it prohibits. Then when I’m in company, continue to not hold it, while leaving ‘everything’ unsaid. Then I can listen

8. Have an honest interaction with anyone no matter how small or undramatic, regularly

9. Have an unnecessarily specific plan for a life that has a neutral outcome

10. Keep a to do list that’s only things I would prefer happened in a world that is simple today. Work in all the details for each of the handful of items, and let them happen

TBC

Very good, BeanyBoo. Thank you for sharing.

All are good, and I especially like #5:

I've found people are actually drawn to people brave enough to be honest about their awkwardness and ugliness. There is something compelling and refreshing about people being so honest.

Here's what I've learned about ugliness, or "ugliness":

If you can't hide it, feature it.

Example: my hair was thinning and graying in my 20s. I can either wear a hat constantly, combover, dye, or... $20 clippers from Walmart and I can look neat and tidy at all times.

#8 is vital too. Keeps us from becoming too detached and buried.

At low points, I've consciously tried to make eye contact & say hello to passers-by, and it helps...

Thanks guys,

I reviewed this and ‘work’ is not really the right word.

I’ll probably be stuck with the feelings that rivergirl is talking about for the rest of my life. It’s not worth my while to somehow eliminate them.

I’m just using steps like the above to shift and place them in a context.

That’s what’s working. I’ve just stopped framing it as self-improvement. It’s sort of my way of saying, “take your hands off my self.”

Nice list Beany Boo. Reckon we have some things in common. Agree with Oak that number 5 is a solid one. Also like number 4. But they're all good if you're anything like me and are prone to putting yourself, second.

I have also been trying to integrate similar strategies in my life, but am finding that EVERYTHING I do is a 'catch 22'. And all strategies I employ, have repercussions no matter how good at communicating, I labour to be.

At the end of the day, I find I can rely on one simple fact. That people are people, and people have problems. Ironically, I think people who step away from putting themselves first (and aren't just a big-ray-of-sunshine) are met with suspicion, or taken advantage of, quite regularly...

Also, I'm personally finding that I really have to watch myself with my honesty. The honest communication approach seems to be the healthiest option in many situations, and have the fewest downsides (long term), but I think people like to be allowed a 'healthy' amount of denial on their actions. And when the issue is basically that the person is wrong because they're letting their narcissism get in the way of their judgement (this I see constantly), it's difficult for me to find a way to approach the problem without trying to 'fix' the root of the problem. *edit* I should say 'address' the root of the problem. But I'm aware the compulsion is to 'fix' it.

Can you relate? Or am I starting to sound really out there?..

Letting stuff go unfixed I can relate to.

‘Let go, or be dragged.’

My favorite saying

I experience the others’ denial (they don’t).

Honesty I guess, is me showing them somehow that I’m not a character in their drama. I might be having a different experience of them.

It’s okay if the denial folds back around them after.

Seems as though you're a person of wisdom.

I'm left curious though... If it feels okay to share, can you tell me what elements you struggle with to motivate you to create this 'to do' list in the first place?

I don’t actually know the motivation. I found myself doing it easily one day. It felt conspicuously anxiety free. I guess it’s a hobby.

I like the way you think.

Beany is something special.