I didn't want to share my experience with this, thinking is might dissuade you from seeking treatment. But, then, I think if I had heard a similar story earlier I may have started getting help earlier.
Almost everyone in my family has some kind of mental illness. Some are diagnosed, some not. None are really open about it at all. (This is something I think it should be important to change, especially within families)
The fact that mental illness is a very common family trait did not mean that when I started presenting with intense symptoms there was any kind of recognition or support from my family. I had uncontrollable crying jags that family members in attempting compassion agreed to cover up and not mention to my parents or mention again period. I had visible self harm that was ignored. I had daily debilitating panic attacks and agoraphobia that was ignored. I called an ambulance during a panic attack, sure I was dying from a heart attack. I stayed in bed sometimes for full days. I drank. And finally, after a lot of anguish, when I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed and prescribed medication, my mother became withdrawn and wouldn't talk about it and referred to my problems as "allergies." My father, who suffered with depression, when I mentioned my problem with it to him on the phone also became withdrawn and silent and wouldn't talk about it. My stepfather said he thought my problems were caused by thinking too much. (at least he spoke about it, though.)
Because of all of these kinds of reactions, I had a lot of self doubt and WASTED a lot of time not doing what I knew all along I needed to do-get proper help. (don't fall into this trap!)
Beside all that, I am positive my family loves me. But, love does not always mean that the people in your life will be always willing and able to offer support and guidance. Love just means love. But what's great about it is even when our loved ones don't understand, support or have the emotional availability to even acknowledge the full spectrum of humanity in their loved ones, this doesn't mean they withdraw their love from us. We still get to bask in it. What it does mean is that we cannot have all of our needs met by others in the ways and times we want or even need. We must seek out what nourishes and betters ourselves from the sources available and healthy to us.
Addressing your specific concerns, I'd say:
1.
I'm afraid my parents will feel responsible for my pain if I admit I have a problem.
When my mother ignored and seemed insulted by my diagnosis and prescription, I had a feeling this was the problem. Truthfully, I think in a way this is a very natural response a parent would have. They might at least wonder. Ok, so let that happen. It's not the end of the world. What will happen once they process that primary emotion, even if they never mention it to you?
a. pride- wow, my kid is showing he has self-love, maturity, intelligence and bravery in asserting his knowledge of himself and getting some help
b. joy- wow, my kid is happy. that makes me happy.
c. encouragement- my kid is dealing with something i deal with. this gives me courage to deal with my problems, maybe give a renewed effort
d.peace- knowing their kid is happy and can take care of himself AND can accept help and love (aka, they made a thriving human being! bonus!)
2.
I don't want to become their freak son who's too weak to deal with problems that everybody must face.
It's absolutely not cowardice to look in the mirror, give an honest self assessment and decide to do something to improve your life. It is the height of maturity and strength. It is very difficult to get to the point of even basic self reflection. You, my friend, are leagues ahead.
3.
How can things remain normal with the people around me if the sickness that I live with is exposed?
Will things remain normal? Maybe not. Is normal best? Maybe not. If things change, will it be for the worst? Likely not. If things change, will it be drastically? Probably not. People will have a more intimate knowledge of who you are. You will show them another fold of your humanity. It may be easy for some, difficult for others. It will not be impossible. Your life will look largely the same. You don't have to tell everyone in your life everything, either. You can keep some things private between you and your therapist. Also, if you go to college you can usually get counseling for free, confidentially and outside the insurance of your mom and pops. This is often limited, but it's something to think about even as an initial thing or a way to get a referral to a permanent therapist.
4. No, you don't sound self obsessed.
Moral is, you're young and this isn't easy. You can and should do it, though. And it's for you to do for you, and don't worry about the others. People will follow your lead. People will respect your decisions, and if they don't it probably means they are dealing with some issue of their own. Don't take on their issues too.
Good luck.
