therapy fail

[FriendlyKaye]

First post but I figured if there were people out there who've had these feelings, they'd be here.

So, partically motivated by listening to the Mental Illness Happy Hour, I set up an appointment with a new therapist. Which was enough of an ordeal beacuse a) everything's an ordreal when you're depressed, b) anymore, anything having to do with health insurance is an ordeal, and c) finding a good therapist feels like more of an ordeal than finding a good partner.

However, I did my research and chose a therapist that seemed to meet the magic mix of close to my office, offering the kind of therapy I've had sucess with before (CBT), specializing in some of my issues (anxiety, relationships, adoption), and covered by my plan. Called up, made an appointment and have been looking forward to it/psyching myself out for it for weeks.

I show up at the office tonight. It's empty but the door is unlocked because the cleaning lady is in there. I'm a little early so I sit down. Flip through some People magazines. Wait some more. Okay, 10 minutes after my appointment was to have started I call the number for my new therapist. No answer. Leave a message. He calls right back. I call him back. Finally, a connection!

Double booked. He thought his office had rescheduled me. He's terribly sorry...and he'll have his office call me tomorrow.

So there I am, in this empty downtown office building, alone but for the cleaning ladies, full of anxiety and anger and sadness and I am SO OVERWHELMED how can I keep it together until I get home?

And now I'm filled with doubt again over this whole therapist thing which I know in the big picture is a good thing but it is SO HARD to to get to the point where it is a good thing. Arugh!

Anyone else dealt with therapy trepidation? I'd love to hear stories so I know I'm not the only one...

[dare i say it]

Anyone else dealt with therapy trepidation? I'd love to hear stories so I know I'm not the only one...

You are definitely, definitely not the only one. Wow, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that tonight. That's really rough to prepare yourself for meeting a new therapist and then not get anything out of it. I'm crossing my fingers that he was at least very apologetic and sounded like a decent person despite the bad mistake he made?

I've seen 4 different therapists over the years. For me, making the initial call and getting myself through the door that first time is the hardest part--not that any of it is easy. I just had an appointment tonight myself. I keep telling myself, "if it's comfortable then I'm not doing it right."

The worst stories I have about therapy involve 1)the hassle of dealing with insurance companies and 2)holding back things that I really could have shared with previous therapists. Insurance companies help as much as there going to help and then I'm on my own, so I get it. That sucks, but "it is what it is." Holding back things from therapists was my fault though and on some level I knew it. It definitely limited the work that we could get done together.

[cyanidebreathmint]

I'm sorry things went so badly for you, FK.

My first experience with therapy was pretty bad, in my opinion. My therapist and I had no connection. She seemed cold and annoyed by my reluctance in the very beginning of the process. Once, I didn't understand that she was asking me to actually write things out on a pad and paper and so just gave her a verbal "ok", and then she just stared me down until I finally understood that I must have misheard her. On the first appointment she told me I'd be done with therapy in about 4 appointments, and that we'd have one session a month. I had never done this before so I thought that was normal. It was a very confusing and painful experience to finally make up my mind to work things out, get up out of my depressive pit and drive somewhere (I was also a bit agoraphobic at the time and reluctant to leave the house or drive on the highway, which was required),go into an office, and be treated with disinterest and even disdain. I knew that wasn't how it was supposed to work- eventually. Also, she had me rank my mood at the beginning and end of each session and rank how I thought she was doing. That part of it was entirely distracting and seemed to be a bit of a weird dynamic, although I am sure it is meant to empower the patient or something. That whole experience sucked.

Anyway, I didn't go back there but became suicidal and knew I had to do something to help myself so I asked for a referral from the mental health dept. of a local university and went to one of the top 3 they recommended and the difference is night and day. Not only do I have to work out trust issues I have from living my dumb life, but now I gotta work out trust issues I got from the other therapist with this one so I can start trusting the new therapist at all. lol. But even good therapists are human. I'd say give him a try. It feels like disregard and disrespect, or it can, but it was probably just an honest mistake and more his receptionist's fault than his? It really is so awful to get yourself all worked up for that first appointment, and just want to kind of have it under your belt and now have the anxiety of that still lingering, and now with added awkwardness.

[algernon]

Hey Kaye!

Welcome to the community. I expect you'll have plenty of feedback when people get to reading your post.

I just wanted to tell you that I shake my head as I read the nicely worded disappointment you had.

Salient was the a,b,c rundown of your ordeal. Is that reference to "insurance" lost on anyone who read your post?

How I have ranted about American healthcare in the "three card monte" access that it is! How I despair for the billing process after any doctor trip, for the fat charges that are blind to familiar value references and then the hocus-pocus of the insurance company filtering, not the least of which are the two-tiered billing amounts that make healthcare access in America a hostage to the insurance system.

The joint entities of billing, insurance, receivables and collections in the world of all healthcare is so ponderous and the status quo for so long now that few people stop (patients particularly) and take a look at the lunacy of it all, and the blow-back it has on the very purpose of the medical/psychological service itself. Is any of this profit driven madness consistent with humanity's goal of healing humans?

On this one point (the INSURANCE) alone Kaye you are in much company.

I see you have experience with professional therapy and urge you to persist through the push-back. As a beneficiary of CBT you are a student of reality. Add a little bit of humor to the frustration you've gotten and let the next pro-active step be yours.

Your post will help ease SOMEONE who reads it, besides me. You were wise to share it.

I think it's a good omen that your therapist apologized. Albert Ellis advised the universal acceptance of others, and your therapist is only human as we all are. A nice sunset to your experience would be a satisfying relationship with this therapist. I hope you can soon post that all turned out well!

[manuel_moe_g]

I keep telling myself, "if it's comfortable then I'm not doing it right."

Hah, this is a good saying, DISI! I am going to start reminding myself of this more and more.

All the best, cheers!