Emptiness on vacation

[gfyourself]

So I'm aimlessly surfing the net at the moment... cycling amongst my twitter feed and a few other sites.
I just feel empty... doing anything to not have to acknowledge the feeling of being alone, not being connected to others.
I can imagine the "normal" people having lots of family and friends to visit, gatherings, etc.
Sort of off-topic but one thing that really bothers me is when people say they are depressed alone good-for-nothing etc. etc. but then they say they are married and often have kids! How the hell did you achieve marriage if you are depressed? Makes me feel worse about what I look like - because that's what I feel is holding me back (even though I know in my heart a good chunk is attitude - I really have a difficult time understanding how others perceive me).
PS I have dysthymia with a dash of social anxiety.
That's all for now, maybe I will write more later.

[manuel_moe_g]

I have social anxiety as well. Unfortunately, when you gain a relationship, your problems don't disappear, you simply trade one set of problems for another set of problems.

Please take care. Comments like this "Makes me feel worse about what I look like - because that's what I feel is holding me back (even though I know in my heart a good chunk is attitude - I really have a difficult time understanding how others perceive me)." make me worry that you are not appreciating yourself in the way you deserve to be appreciated, and that you are not valuing yourself in the way you deserve to be valued. We here are all cheering for your greatest today and tomorrow.

[gfyourself]

Thanks Manuel I feel a bit better now as I've been thinking about the good things that happened in the year. You are right I beat myself up a lot! (mentally, of course)

[meh]

I'm married with three kids and a bipolar brain. It's not easy. I have to force myself sometimes to connect. I feel like I'm putting on the happy face because otherwise my wife would kick me out and my kids would feel abandoned by their father.

I was only diagnosed as depressed after I was married almost 8 years. That was changed to bipolar II last year.

if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have asked her on a second date. I would never have forced her to join my own personal hell.