There's a certain comfort...

[My poor friend me]

...in being resigned to the status quo, even if you're unhappy with it. I don't have that right now. I kind of miss it.

[manuel_moe_g]

It is a challenge. I am just now coming to terms with the realization that my whole life is "threading the needle" with my anxiety - the only motivation that works for me is anxiety/fear based, so I need a minimal amount of anxiety, but if I go even a bit higher than that, I cannot deal, and I break down. So either I am completely inert from lack of anxiety, or I am broken by having too much anxiety, and there is such a narrow window between the two.

So I realize that the things that I thought were my life dreams were distractions to deal with anxiety. Which explains why I never took any step to try to fulfill those dreams.

For you, I would use your unhappy state right now as a chance to change to a better place. You feeling unhappy means the door is open a crack, and you have something to use as motivation to change to elevate yourself to a better place.

Please take care, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!