I feel weak and run down

[gfyourself]

Right so now I'm at one of these points in time where I can make myself something nutritious to eat for dinner or go out and get something quick and easy.

Since I struggle with eating (actually, I don't struggle with it enough, haha) I find the whole process around grocery shopping, preparing food, making sure I have enough food around, the time it takes from when I get home from work to when I can actually eat something (which often leads me to eating something via take out)... all these issues wear me down after dealing with nonsense at work, and also the beating myself up on the weekends because I don't really have friends and spend a lot of time in my head...

Food is the one place that I just find it so difficult to exert willpower because I'm just so worn down from my own thoughts. Its really sad.

My mental cycling or whatever you want to call it is wasting my life and I feel like I don't even have a say about it.

I am in therapy and working on it etc. etc. but I'm so tired of focusing on the problems that I have. As I write that I think maybe I can focus on something else... well I can but it always comes back to my deficiencies as a person and problems about what I don't have or haven't done or whatever.

[fifthsonata]

I wish I had a good response for this. I do the same thing. I know what I need to do but just the act of living is so exhausting I can't muster the energy to dig myself out.....which leads to "obviously you don't want to or you'll find a way" sort of thinking. I suspect you know that feeling, too.

[gfyourself]

Thanks fifth. I have thought that way in the past but normally I don't get that far. It just seems like having a pleasurable or happy life seems like such an unlikelihood.

At the same time, I suppose I could change my way of thinking this second... Which just makes me feel worse.

[fifthsonata]

Feels like defeat, doesn't it?

Resignation.

[gfyourself]

My therapist is trying to get me out of my head. Actually she has been for a couple of years. While I've made some progress it's probably time to expand my comfort zone.

[oak]

Hugs, gf.

I don't have any answers or solutions to my own problems, so I guess I'm not qualified to advise you.

I do believe that you are a person of worth and dignity.