In love with someone as mentally ill as me and so scared

[historygeek]

I've been talking and seeing this guy lately, it's long distance since he lives five hours away but I usually go to see him once a month. We are frighteningly alike in so many ways: we like all the same things, we've experienced similar traumas in our lives, but most of all we both struggle with similar mental illnesses. I love him, I think he is a beautifully talented individual with profound things to say but I get worried about him and I'm worried that it's dragging me down into a pit of depression and anxiety. The one thing that is different between us is our socio-economic standing. I'm not worried about money, but he's really in a rough financial place and is broke all the time. He doesn't have insurance to get his mental health problems treated, and on top of that he has other health problems that leave him in pain all the time. I want to do everything I can to help him, but I'm worried that I'm risking my own mental health trying to help him. I can't help it though...I can't help but be worried about him because we share such a strong connection that is really rare and I want him in my life in one way or another (we're not in an traditional relationship, by the way, we just acknowledge that we mutually love each other). My therapist has told me that I need to find someone who is in a solid place with managing their mental health because I am so sensitive to the feelings of other people...but looking at him is almost like looking in the mirror. As much as I want things to work out and for us to someday live together and create beautiful art, he can't give me what I want which is a stable, monogamous relationship. Sometimes I feel he marginalizes my pain as well since he comes from such a more difficult place. He means well, but it really hurts when he tells me I shouldn't be getting depressed about having no friends because I live in an area where I have so many opportunities to achieve things. I know his situation is so much worse than mine right now...he has so much to worry about in his life...but it makes me feel like shit that I have everything going for me and I'm still depressed and anxious.

Anyway, the reason I am posting this now is that I haven't heard from him in a little while (a couple of days or so). He is notorious for being shitty at responding to texts but he hasn't even been on Facebook. I'm probably just worried for nothing...but I always get really fucking anxious when people I love that have mental issues disappear because I always assume the worse. I start thinking that he's killed himself and it fills me with a fear so overwhelming I can't breathe. This is a common problem with me because when I was 17 I witnessed a boyfriend of mine try to kill himself in front of me and the image of that still haunts me to this day. I think that's why I would give everything to help people I love because I feel like I'm inadequate enough for them to want to stay alive. Anyway, he told me he would never think about suicide because he has had friends who have killed themselves but I can't get rid of these unwanted thoughts.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[manuel_moe_g]

Sometimes I feel he marginalizes my pain as well since he comes from such a more difficult place. He means well, but it really hurts when he tells me I shouldn't be getting depressed about having no friends because I live in an area where I have so many opportunities to achieve things.

Darn, human suffering is not a competition. Please don't internalize this marginalization - your pain is valid.

All the best, please take care!

[AndyLand]

Hi again History Geek,

My mom does the withdrawing thing a lot (bipolar with personality disorders) and it is very upsetting. I've had to learn to accept that there is nothing I can do about things I can't control. Whatever happens or doesn't happen when a loved one cuts off communication is not your responsibility and there is nothing you can do about it. It's also not personal and about the other person and can sometimes be abusive as well. You deserve to be treated with the same kindness you show others whether they are mentally ill or not. I'm going to echo the support group suggestion because you need peers to talk to and help you build yourself up.

Nobody gets to tear you down no matter what their excuse is.

Warmly