thinking people don't like me

[Heatherwantspeace]

I've been having a tough time the last 2 weeks. I think it all started with some shiftwork that got my body out of balance. I fell back into my default mode of searching for signs people don't like me. I know where this comes from. It's a straight like--a four lane highway, really--leading back to being a baby no one wanted and begrudgingly cared for.

It's really bringing me down because I thought I'd made so much progress on this. I was planning on a social event next month but now I'm worried I will be watching for others' reactions to me instead of just being genuine and in the moment. This makes me come across very strange and almost guarantees I will be going over conversations in my head for days and pinpointing where I said something "stupid".

How do I regroup and move on?
Heather

[brownblob]

I hate the replaying of conversations. It can drive me nuts. For me, I feel stupid because I either have absolutely nothing to say or misread a situation and say the wrong thing.
I just kind of accepted that people don't like me. It's not that people really dislike me, but I have no social skills. People don't care about me. I avoid social situations, because I realize I don't do well in them and don't enjoy them.
I would tell you to just keep working on it, but I'd feel like a hypocrite.

[snoringdog]

Hello Heather,

First of all, thanks for the birthday wishes you extended in response to my anxiety post!

Here are a few thoughts, for what they might be worth....

It's a sad thing not to be really wanted as a child, but unfortunately it seems pretty common in the world.... really wish this weren't so... I'm sorry that you were in this circumstance.

Sounds like you've done a lot of work on these self-critical thought patterns, and maybe developed a few tools to address them. (Sounds like something Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques could address, maybe).

The fact that you've recognized the problem as having recurred, and verbalized it is half the battle, right? (And don't discount what returning to a proper routine and a good night's sleep can do!)

Wanting to have a social event means that you want to connect with your friends, and are interested in what's been happening in *their* lives, right? I'm sure they'll be thrilled you invited them!

Regards,

SD

[Heatherwantspeace]

Thank you both for your replies. They really helped. My SO is the type of person who just assumes the world loves them, so they can't really understand.

brownblob thanks for reminding me that one of things that's true for me is that my social behaviour affects how people react to me and therefore treat me. On days I'm feeling good I can see the difference in how people react to me. Unfortunately the bad times become a self fulfilling prophecy that's hard to break out of. I know what you mean about not wanting to be a hypocrite. I was about to advise WBD to contact their college friends and reconnect but I realized I would never do that myself, so how could I give that advice?

SD, I had a think about my toolkit. Number one is to thank and honour the baby that was smart enough to know she needed to evaluate the adults around her for trustworthiness. Then to remind her that I'm now in control of who gets to be around me and we are okay. Number two is to recognize my thinking is at play here and I can challenge those thoughts now that I'm on days off and rested.

I'm also remembering in the spring when my back pain started coming back after feeling really good. I was so upset. My acupuncturist said to think of it as a spring thaw...the frozen parts were melting and moving (out). I have been doing some art which is turning out to be really dark. It's certainly brought up feelings.

Thanks again.
Heather

[oak]

I like you.

To the extent that anyone can really know anyone via forums like this, you appear to kind, thoughtful, and generous.

You have my approval!

[Heatherwantspeace]

Thank you Oak! That means so much. I really appreciate it.
Heather